Slytherin boys one shots/imagines

The Failure

! tw, mentioning of sh and ed, signs of depression
please skip this if these are things you are struggling with.

people always assume the worst of me. like i'm some kind of monster that is haunting their dreams. like i am a person with so little respect. that just like my narcissistic father.

sure some times they're right, i can be absolute arse from time to time. but that's all for show. you see, i don't know any better. from childs on i have been taught to turn off all feelings and emotions. sounds healthy doenst it?

emotions makes me weak, people will think they can easily manipulate you when you show any signs of weakness.

status is what makes men strong, they will
look up to people like us. tiny-dick egoist men, people like my family. "The Malfoys."
you can watch the faces from people as they hear our name. it frightens them.

my father said that a good reputation will get you somewhere, without it you're nothing. so i told myself exactly that. i didn't want to be the failure my dad was scared of. so i became the most insufferable person you could imagine.

people hated me for who i was, and they were right. i hated me too, but at least i made my father slightly prouder. but that wasn't enough..

do you ever just want to scratch out your eye balls just so that god awful looking person would stop staring at you. when it looks so intensly into your soul that you just want to scream at the top of your longs.

do you ever just feel so angry that you could pull out every single hair on your head out of your skull.

do you ever just feel so guilty that you want to empty out everything your stomach contains.

do you ever just feel the need to eat. uncontrollably eat, you feel no limits, nothing that is holding you back except that single voice in your head saying,"we had an agreement ."

that is what it's like to have no control over your emotions and actions. the feeling of existing but at the same time you're no one. you don't count, nobody cares about you, why even try to get better?

that's when i learned how to take control, it were the little things but it made me for who i am. i used to cut myself, that was the only time where i felt in control, it made me feel in charge. now when i think back at it, i think i was over exaggerating. but back then it made my life so much easier to live, now my life is only harder.

every single step back i feel like im falling into that same old habit, whatever you try you just can't get rid of it. you always think about it but never do it. sometimes i come up with other creative ways to hurt myself. it's like a drug.

another problem is that now i have to carry around these ugly scars all over my body for the rest of my life. god i was such an attention seeker back then. when i look at them i always regret it, but then i think about that time.. i was really going trough it.

i used count my calories, standing on the scale and seeing that number drop would make me feel euphoric. finally i was getting to the point that i was accepting my self. little did i know i only made it worse.

these were the little things that helped me get a grip on my life, mentally and physically destroying myself. but it felt good, it felt like i deserved everything that was coming for me in my miserable life. just like my father said im just a failure.

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!! important !!

hey guys sorry for this (personal) vent, i felt like shit and i just wanted to let that out.

but what i've learned about all of these counter strikes in my life is that you are going to get trough this. for me it took a couple of years, but it eventually will get better. it's such a cliche to say, and trust me if you're feeling like i as back then "it's gonna be alright" is the last thing you would want to hear.

but trust me if you want to get better, if you're prepared to work for it then you're gonna make it.

and please talk to somebody, doesn't have to be family or friends or even some one you know it could be a complete stranger. but it's not healthy carrying burdens like this on your own. there are people out there that are willing to help you, maybe you don't want to bother them, i get it, but they are there for you.

if you are struggling with anything or just want to reach out to someone you can always contact me, please do because i'm willing to help and i'm here for you.

i know this is not the chapter you hoped for but i felt like shit and i wanted to write it out, and now we're here. so anyways im sorry for this, but please take care loves. and if you want to talk to me, you know where to find me.

love you