TITLE: embrace me tenderly AUTHOR: freebirdyyy on AO3
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It normally didn't affect him this much. It shouldn't. This was his job, what he's dedicated his entire life to. It was pretty much a sealed deal the very second he was born. Before he even learned how to walk, he was forced to run. Tiny legs stumbled under the weight of the heavy burden of being the strongest.
He was late. He was late to arrive, and because of that, there were far more casualties than there should have been. Innocent people died. Children died.
Satoru had seen dead bodies before. It was inevitable in this line of work. But earlier that day was the first time he saw such a small body, crumpled up on the ground. Her little body was horribly crushed, and there was blood everywhere. The blood of a child.
The curse and its user were also dead, but he felt as if he failed. He failed the girl and her devastated mother. Satoru had squatted and gently scooped the girl up in his arms. Her body had already begun to grow cold. He was thankful for his dark sunglasses. They made it easier to avoid her mother's glass, detached eyes.
Her blood coated his hands and arms where she was cradled. It stuck to his shirt and seeped through the fabric. There was so much.
Satoru shoved the feeling of bile creeping up his throat down. It burned his throat. It was all so wrong. Wrong that the Curse user caused so much damage, wrong that families will forever mourn, wrong that he couldn't stop shaking, even after the mother carried her child away, sobbing brokenly.
Yaga walked over with his hands in his pockets. "You did well," he told Satoru.
Satoru jerked his shoulder away when Yaga tried to lay a heavy hand on him. "Don't," he hissed. Yaga lifted his hand away and held it up, treating Satoru like a spooked animal. He swallowed audibly and clenched his teeth.
"I could have done more," he said bitterly. The sky was already growing darker overhead. Satoru chewed on his lip until it split open. "If I had gotten here faster, maybe I could have-" Satoru sucked in a shaky breath. "I could have saved them."
Yaga sighed deeply. "What's done is done," he said. The roughness of his voice normally reassured him. Now, it only made his head pound harder. "You did what you could," Yaga said, "those deaths are not on your hands, Satoru."
Satoru said nothing for a few minutes. Yaga waited patiently. "I know," he mumbled.
"You can't possibly save everyone."
Satoru screwed his eyes shut. "I know."
・
When Suguru slid Satoru's sliding doors open, he frowned at the lack of noise. Satoru was hardly ever quiet. He took his shoes off and turned the tall lamp near the entryway on. A body was curled up on the couch, a blanket draped over his face.
