A Stand-in Bride

Chapter 34

Zhan

No matter what I do, I can’t get last night out of my mind. The way he touched me… he knew exactly what he was doing to me as he massaged my thighs. What would have happened if I’d just turned around? Would he have taken my body the way I’ve fantasized he would?

I bite down on my lip as I think back to the way he teased me. He played my body expertly, slowly pushing me further and further while pretending to do nothing but massaging, until I couldn’t hold on anymore.

I run a hand through my hair and clench my thighs, trying my best to keep my mind off Yibo and failing miserably. With each passing day, I crave him more.

A soft knock sounds on my door, and I look up in surprise. “Zhan?” A chill runs down my spine when Cheng Xiao walks into my office. “Hi,” she says softly. She hesitates for a moment before walking over to the seat in front of my desk. She sits down opposite me and smiles.

“Hi,” I repeat, my response delayed.

Cheng Xiao looks exhausted and heartbroken, more so than I’ve ever seen her look before and it fills me with overwhelming guilt.

“I’m sorry,” she says, her voice so soft that I nearly missed it. “I… I should’ve come to see you sooner Zhan. I haven’t been in a good state of mind recently. I guess it took me a bit of time to think everything through, you know? When I walked away from Yibo, I just… I guess I didn’t quite realize what I was doing. I’d postponed the wedding so many times and I’d gotten away with it. I thought it’d be the same this time.”

I look down at my lap and inhale deeply. “But it wasn’t.”

“No,” she says. “It wasn’t.”

I force myself to look up and face her. “I told you, Xiaoxiao. I begged you to reconsider.”

“I know. I know, Zhan. What do you want me to say? That you were right?”

I shake my head and look away. “No, Cheng Xiao. Of course not.”

“You’re mad at me too, aren’t you?”

I bite down on my lip and shake my head. “I was, initially. Now? I don’t even know how I’m feeling now. I guess I’m just hurt and disappointed. You may have broken Yibo’s heart Cheng Xiao, but you broke mine too. You didn’t listen to any of my concerns and played with my life without any regard for my wishes and dreams. Do you have any idea how used and manipulated I feel? You’re my big sister, Xiaoxiao. You’re the one person in this world that’s supposed to look out for me, yet you never did. Never.”

“Xiao Zhan, you know that isn’t true. Wasn’t I the one who got you your first modeling gig?”

I look her in the eye and smile in disbelief. “No, Cheng Xiao. All you did was bring me with you to one of your premieres. I was scouted and signed without any endorsements from you.”

She sighs and waves her hand. “You wouldn’t have been there without me, but forget it. That isn’t the point. I’m just trying to say that I do try to look out for you in my own way.”

I shake my head. “Not everything can always be your way, Xiao. You don’t get to decide whether I feel like you’re there for me.”

“So you are mad at me.” Her tone is accusatory and I shake my head in defeat. Why do I even bother?

“Why are you here, Cheng Xiao?”

She looks around my office and smiles. “The last time I was here, I was trying on my wedding dress. I didn’t even get to wear it in the end.”

I grit my teeth and look away. Just thinking about her dress is bittersweet to me. I put so much love and work into her wedding gown, yet wearing it brought me so much pain.

Cheng Xiao looks at me with an insincere smile on her face. “I bet it looked beautiful on you, though.”

I stare at the design in front of me, unsure how to even reply to that. Just seeing her makes me feel conflicted. It reminds me that every moment I share with Yibo should’ve
been hers.

“Is he nice to you, Zhan? Does he treat you well?”

I look up, hesitating for a moment as I think back to the way he touched me last night. Guilt unlike anything I’ve ever felt before hits me hard and I look away, suddenly feeling
sick.

“I’m worried about you. He’s a good man, but I’m worried he’ll take his anger at me out on you.”

I cross my arms and lean back in my seat. “Yibo and I have always been friends,” I tell her, my voice soft. “That hasn’t changed. He’s still as nice to me as he’s always been.”

Something flashes in Cheng Xiao’s eyes, but it’s gone before I can identify it. “That’s good. I’m glad.”

She looks away, both of us falling silent for a moment. There’s so much left unsaid between us, but neither of us has the courage to ask the questions that need to be voiced.

“I know that the Wangs value marriage above almost everything else,” she says cautiously. “Yibo is no different. There’s nothing he won’t do out of loyalty, regardless of his feelings.”

I frown, unsure what she’s trying to say.

“I know he still loves me and he always will, but he’s hurting so badly right now that he’s pushing me away. I think that, in part, it’s because he feels like he has to distance himself from me simply because he’s married now. I know he needs me, yet he refuses to let me in because it goes against his beliefs about marriage. I don’t want to see him hurting, Zhan. I know he’s mad at me and I know I caused a great deal of pain. I want to make up for it, but he won’t even take my calls.”

I entwine my fingers and squeeze tightly in an attempt to stay calm, even though my thoughts are racing.

“Please, Zhan. Tell him to talk to me. I know my request sounds ridiculous, especially because your marriage isn’t real. You said it yourself, the two of you are just friends and considering how much he loves me, it’ll never be more than that, but he just… he has such a strong sense of loyalty. Remind him that it’s misplaced.”

I stare at her for a moment as a wave of disappointment and sorrow washes over me. “You aren’t here to apologize for what you did to me, are you? You’re here because you need me to talk to Yibo on your behalf.”

She crosses her arms and sighs. “Why can’t I be here to do both, Xiao Zhan? I love both of you and honestly, this is in your best interests too. It can’t be easy for you to be caught between us. Don’t you want things to go back to how they used to be? I’m trying to relieve some of the pressure that this marriage has put on you. I can’t take away the countless social obligations you’ll have now, but I can be there to support you with everything else. With me to rely on, Yibo won’t expect too much from you and you won’t lose so much of your own life. After all, eventually, you’ll have to go back to it, won’t you? You know he doesn’t want you. He broke off your engagement to be with me five years ago and it’s still me he wants.”

I look into her eyes, my heart breaking as I remember the pain I was put through five years ago. I can’t ever go back to how things used to be. My heart won’t survive seeing them together again. I can’t lose what I’ve got now.

“No,” I tell her, my voice soft. “I won’t talk to Yibo for you. He’s not a child and I’m not a mediator. Don’t ask me for more than I’ve already given you Cheng Xiao because there’s not much left of me to give.”

Her eyes widen in surprise, as though she didn’t expect me to deny her. I suppose I never have before. I’ve always given into anything she’s asked of me. Always.

But that ends today.