A Stand-in Bride

Chapter 60

Zhan

I park my car and stare at the front door, trying to gather the courage to walk in. All day, all I’ve thought about is Cheng Xiao’s pregnancy and what it means for all of us. Now, more so than ever, I’m racked with guilt. It consumes me, spreading its poison until I’m left second-guessing every decision I’ve made. I’ve never felt so selfish, so horrible.

When I married Yibo, I wondered if there would come a day that I’d regret it. At the time, I convinced myself that what I’d regret most would be the things I didn’t do. I couldn’t have been more wrong.

Yibo and Cheng Xiao are going to be a family whether I like it or not. They’ll share an unbreakable bond and I’ll always be a third party. Because of the decision I made, I’m taking away an innocent child’s chance to grow up with both of their parents as one united front. If I hadn’t married Yibo, the two of them would’ve found out about the pregnancy together, while they were rescheduling their wedding. It would’ve brought them together, bridging the distance Cheng Xiao’s career had created over the years. Maybe it still will.

I inhale shakily and open my car door. I’ve never dreaded coming home as much as I do tonight. No matter what was going on, I’d always been eager to see Yibo. Yet tonight I can’t face him.

How do I face the man I love, knowing what I did? I chose to marry him knowing that if I hadn’t, Grandma would have forgiven Cheng Xiao and accepted her into the family eventually. I came between them because I was selfish and now I’m paying the price.

I walk into the house I’ve come to love so much, the home Yibo and I built, and it all feels so impermanent. Just as I convinced myself to choose happiness, to put myself first… life showed me that I don’t deserve it.

I tense when I hear Grandma’s voice, my heart racing. I should’ve known that it wouldn’t take her long to find out about this. No doubt, she’ll be excited to welcome her first great-grandchild and it’s going to kill me to watch her fuss over Cheng Xiao. It’s like every single thing I want out of life can’t be mine if it isn’t Cheng Xiao’s first.

I follow Grandma’s voice to the guest room and pause in the doorway. Cheng Xiao is lying in bed and Yibo is seated on the edge of it, one arm around her for support while he holds a glass to her lips. The way he watches her, with such concern… it guts me. The patience he has with her, the care he shows her. It’s like I took a trip to the past, back when I was always looking in from the outside.

Grandma stands next to Cheng Xiao’s bed, arms crossed. “You’re carrying my first great-grandchild,” she says, her tone soft and sweet. “You need to take good care of yourself Cheng Xiao.” She turns to Yibo then. “The same goes for you. She’s carrying your child Yibo. I know the situation isn’t ideal but we’ll make the best of it — as a family.”

Cheng Xiao looks up at her with tears in her eyes. “I came here because I agree, Grandma. I thought my sister and Yibo would be the two people that’d be most supportive. I thought I’d be safe from the press here while we try to figure out how our lives are going to change now but they don’t want me here. Yibo asked me to leave and I… I think I should. I never should’ve come here in the first place.”

Grandma pauses for a moment. “The doctor put you on bed rest Cheng Xiao. I’d like you to stay here until you feel better. It’ll be good for Yibo, Xiao Zhan and you to be together. After all, this pregnancy entwines all three of your fates. The more you avoid each other, the bigger the blow-outs when you’re eventually forced to face each other. For the sake of my great-grandchild, you need to learn to put aside your differences.”

“No,” Yibo says, his arm slipping away. He puts down the glass he was holding and rises to his feet. “She can’t stay here. I understand your intentions Grandma and I agree that we need to learn to co-exist but now is not the time.”