Chronicles of the Desolate

Dear Diary ⚡️

Dear Diary

If I had known at this time that this day would change my whole life, I would not have gotten out of bed this morning.

..

Draco always said "My father will hear about this" but it's only because he wanted people to think his father cared, even though he knew he really didn't. Not about these things.

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Dear Diary

Thinking back to that day, I... honestly... wouldn't change a single thing. I'm glad I got out of bed. However, when I had entered Charms, I couldn't find myself thinking good things.

My father was already irritable enough, so at this point, I didn't want to go to school anymore. With Snape on my case and fellow Slytherins always bothering me, I've barely had a moment to myself. And with all the pressure the Dark Lord has placed on me, with my small part to play, I can barely contain my emotions. I'm starting to wonder if this is all worth it...

But I forbid myself those kinds of thoughts. I was simply not allowed to form a bond with anyone, because Father would never have allowed it. He would disapprove of anyone I talked to. 

To be honest, what would they have ever allowed anyway?

As a kid, I'd always looked for that very loving thing in my own father, but never got it in any recognition. 

He was, who he was, and would never change.

Ever.

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...

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Dear Diary

I'm still haunted by that night. 

That night when the Dark Lord appeared, when I was supposed to disarm Dumbledor--supposed to kill him...

I can still see the look on Potter's face. Pure rage and hatred.

I didn't see the broken body, but I assume it must have been sickening. The crack of bone, the splitting of limbs--just the thought makes me sick to my stomache. 

I can barely breathe, and make frequent trips to the owlery, to the room of requirement, just somewhere where I can be alone. Where I can bring myself to breathe.

I don't go to the bathrooms, not since Harry followed and attacked me there. 

I miss having someone to talk to, Moaning Murtle was definately a big help, but I find myself avoiding the hallway right outside that bathroom. 

The blood has long since been washed away, but it feels tinted. 

I just can't keep doing this anymore. 

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Any form of kindness within Draco, came from him being raised by Dobby. After he died Draco would often visit his grave, with socks, wishing he'd freed Dobby as a child.

Wishing he'd recognized the kindness within when he was younger.

..

Dear Diary

I feel... liberated. 

But also empty. 

Harry saved me, saved everyone. 

He vanquished the Dark Lord, Voldamort.

My parents had made the right choice to go into hiding, as most everyone is calling for the head of my Father, but I can still go out. 

No one wants my blood, or anything to do with me. 

No one except Astoria. 

I think I love her...