Sturniolo imagines

* Anxiety On Tour - Matt

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Desc: y/n gets an panic attack whilst on stage during tour. 

TW: Mentions and details of a panic attack, says sick once but no actual detail or writing about it

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Y/n's pov:

I was excited but nervous. Matt, Nic and Chris invited me to go on tour with them. We were in the tour bus, nearing our first stop. I had never really been good with crowds and performing. When I was younger I would get bad anxiety over public speaking. I think it's gotten better, at least I hope it has. I was comfortable in front of a camera now, so surely it had gotten better. The bus stopped and we arrived at the first tour stop. 

Chris and Nic made their way of the bus, and I waited for Matt. I wanted to talk to him, tell him I was nervous but this was his tour, I didn't want to ruin it. "You excited?" Matt asked, walking with me to the door. "Yeah," I lied. I was slightly excited, but I was mainly nervous. As soon as we stepped out of the bus I heard fans cheering and screaming, it made my heart race. Matt was stopping to wave to them but I just walked as fast as I could inside. I did not want to be out there anymore. I walked straight to the room backstage and tried to calm down. I can't get anxiety today, it's not my tour, it will ruin everything if I do. I just need to calm down, it'll be fine. 

"We're on stage in 5, get ready," Chris said, smiling. They looked so excited, I couldn't ruin their mood by being all nervous. Just as I tried breathing and calming my nerves, we were being called on stage. Oh god, this is actually happening. I didn't have time to overthink though as everyone had started walking out. 

I was greeted by blinding stage lights, burning my eyes. I looked out at the crowd, there was so many more people than I thought. I could feel my heart start racing, but I tried to focus on breathing and calm myself down. The fans started cheering and the noise made my ears ring. I was so overwhelmed by the light and noise that it made my heart speed up. My hands were sweating, and I felt dizzy. My breathing was rapid and I felt like I couldn't take in a deep breath. I needed to get off this stage. I walked up to Matt. "I-I'm just going to the toilet, I'll be right back." 

I didn't wait for his answer, and walked as fast as I could off the stage. As soon as I was away from the fan's view I ran to the bathroom. Tears clouded my eyes and I could barely see where I was going. I locked myself in a stall and slid my back down and sat on the floor. My breathing was so rapid I was practically hyperventilating. My hands were shaking and tears were flooding from my eyes. I didn't know what to do. Every time I had a panic attack, Matt was there to help me through it. But I was alone now. I thought about texting Matt but I couldn't ruin the tour for him, I would feel so guilty and horrible. Tears flowed from my eyes, staining my shirt and smudging the makeup I spent hours on this morning. But I didn't care, the only thing I cared about right now was trying to calm down. 

Matt's pov: (I'm using she/her pronouns for y/n, feel free to change to your preferred pronouns!)

Y/n seemed a little off today. She wasn't talking much on the bus, and she practically sprinted inside as soon as we got off the bus. She had come up to me and said she was going to the restroom, that was half an hour ago. I was slightly worried, but I knew I was overthinking. I just needed to focus on having fun and interacting with fans. If she wasn't back in 10 minutes than I would tell someone to check on her.

*10 minutes later*

Now I was getting really worried. What if she was injured? What if a crazy fan was harassing her? What if she was sick? I decided to tell a staff member, maybe they could help her. "Hey, do you mind checking on y/n? She said she was going to the restroom, but it's been a while. Could you see if she's ok?" I asked. "Of course," The worker left and I felt slightly relieved. I knew now if she was in trouble she would be safe, but I was still worried. I tried to forget about it and focused on the tour. 

Y/n's pov: 

I was breathing so heavy that I was feeling lightheaded. Shit, what if I passed out? In the stall too, so disgusting.  I felt like such a horrible friend, instead of helping my friends on their tour, I was sitting in the stall crying my heart out, over nothing. I think I heard the restroom door open, but the sound of my heavy breathing and crying were so loud I couldn't really hear it. 

Matt's pov:  

I noticed the staff member was back. I raced to them and asked if y/n was okay. "I think she's having a panic attack, but I'm not sure." They said. "What do you mean?" I said, feeling bad for y/n. "I heard crying and heavy breathing, should I send someone to help her?" I didn't know what to do. Y/n needed my help, she was having a panic attack, but a whole room of fans were watching. "It's ok, I'll go" I said. Before they could reject the idea I had already left. A slight part of me felt bad for leaving the stage, but right now I was focused on whether y/n was okay or not. I opened the restroom door and heard loud crying. "Y/n, is that you? Are you okay?" 

"M-Matt?" The stalk door opened and I saw y/n. She was sitting with her knees to her chest, back against the wall, and she looked like a mess. "Hey, it's okay, breathe with me. In, and out. That's good, just focus on your breathing."

Y/n's pov:

"I-I'm so sorry!" I cried out, loud sobs escaping my mouth. "What's wrong? Why are you sorry?" Matt asked. "B-because I r-ruined your tour and you're missing it right now," I felt horrible. "Y/n/n, you mean way more to me than some tour. I don't mind leaving the stage to make sure you're okay. Plus the fans have Chris and Nic. It's okay." Matt hugged me and I hugged him back tight. "Thanks Matt, I'm sorry I was just overwhelmed by everything." I lean my head on the stall wall. "That's okay, I get it. I get overwhelmed too, that's normal. Just please tell me next time, I want to help you. You're not alone." Matt saying that brought tears to my eyes. I was so grateful for him. We hugged again and I felt safe and loved. 

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