Hunger [H.S]

March (part 2)

The walk to the theater was nice, but Frankie felt that people looked at them, and all she saw were judgemental stares. There were lots of people, who smiled when they passed them, but that was probably, because they were excited to see Harry. He had been completely engaged in their conversation, not paying attention to anyone around them. Frankie couldn't help but wish that she was as good at shutting the world out, as he was. It wasn't because she didn't want to, but she was over-focusing on her surroundings, analysing what people might be thinking about her. Logically she knew it was both ridiculous and pointless. It didn't matter what people thought about her, and how it made them feel, seeing her with Harry. But no matter how many times she told herself that, she still felt like she didn't deserve his attention, and worst case scenario, she would be bad publicity for him. She built a lot of her doubt on experience. She had heard her share of mocking comments and ridicule through her life. 

They went to see a show and Harry had bought tickets in a slightly different price range, than Frankie could afford, which meant they had a balcony all to themselves. The view of the stage was perfect, and Frankie was excited to see the show. 

"Are you okay?" He leaned closer to ask and check up on her. 

She nodded. "Of course. I'm excited to see the show!" She smiled and undermined any nerves she had, sitting there with a guy, who was hopelessly out of her league. When he leaned closer to her, she caught his scent, and it was intoxicating. 

Harry smiled at her, and leaned back in his seat, ready to see the show. Frankie stole a look at him every now and again during the performance, and he was just so lovely, smiling and clapping, thoroughly enjoying himself. She couldn't help but smile at him, but she made sure to look away, so he didn't catch her gawking at him. 

During the intermission, Harry got them drinks and Frankie quickly went to the ladies room. She was fixing her hair and reapplying lipstick, when she heard someone talking in one of the booths. 

"Did you see Harry Styles is here?" Whoever it was made a loud squeal and there were obviously a couple of them in there. They seemed to be very into him.

Frankie smiled to herself, thinking how much joy he brought people, and she couldn't help but feel a little proud to be there with him. 

"I can't believe it! He looks so good! But who was that whale he came in with?" They laughed loudly. "She was huge, why was he with her? It must be some kind of 'make a wish'-foundation thing, some kind of charity. Take out a heavy cause." They cackled and seemed very pleased with themselves.

And there it was; All the prejudice Frankie expected from the world, and no amount of self-appreciating affirmations could take the sting away. No matter how much she wanted to shut it out, it always went straight in, reminding her that she wasn't right, and that some people saw her as inferior. Not because she was a horrible human being, a hurtful, disrespectful person, who stepped on others, but because she weighed more than the average woman, and physically took more space in the world. Meanwhile she didn't take any extra space, as she stayed quiet, submissive and remained backstage, even when she would be just as good in the spotlight as anyone else. 

Frankie hurried out before the girls from the booth came out. She didn't want them to see her there and for them to know that she heard what they said. She contemplated leaving, just hurrying out and sending a text to Harry, explaining that she felt sick. She would spare him the embarrassment of being seen with her. But Harry was waiting for her, and his face lit up when he saw her. He held up their drinks and gestured for her to come over. Why did he have to be so lovely? It would have been so much easier to call it a night, if he wasn't such a lovely person. But the look on his face, when he saw her, had to mean that he wanted her there. She felt heavier, bigger, fatter than she had the entire night. Suddenly she wasn't feeling good in her dress, it was too tight over her bottom, and she felt like she showed too much of her legs.