Luna Perlman knows lots of things.
She knows how many footsteps there are between the bus stop and home. She knows she likes working in The Buttered Bun tea shop and she knows she might not love her boyfriend Ashton.
What Luna doesn't know is sh...
I made my first claim for Job Seekers Allowance. I attended a 45 minute interview, and a group interview, where I sat with a group of twenty or so mismatched men and women, half of whom wore the same slightly stunned expression I suspected I didz and the other half the blank, uninterested faces of people who had been here too many times before. I wore what my Dad Deemed my 'civilian ' clothes.
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As a result of these efforts, I had endured a brief stint filling in on a night shift at a chicken processing factory (it had given me nightmares for weeks), and two days at a training session as a pizza place baker. I had realized pretty quickly than I was essentially being instructed to put cheese on a no cheese pizza, and told Billy, my personal 'instructer' that I couldn't do it. He had been insistent that I continue, so I had listed some of the practices that they had asked me to do, at which point he had gone a bit quite and suggested we ( it was always we even though it was pretty obvious that one of us had a job) try something else.
I did two weeks at Starbucks. The hours were okay, I could cope with the fact that the uniform made my hair state, but I found it impossible to stick to the 'appropriate responses' script, with its ' How can I help you today?' And its 'Would you like a cake pop with that?' I had been let go after one of the doughnut girls caught me debating the varying merits of the free cakes with a four year old. What can I say? She was a smart four year old. I also thought the sleeping Beauties were sappy.
Now I sat at my fourth interview as Billy scanned through the touch screen for further employment 'opportunities'. Even Billy, who wore tye grimly cheerful demeanor of someone who had shoehorned the most unlikely candidates into a job, was staring to sound a little weary.
"Um....Have you ever considered joining the entertainment industry?"
"What, as in pantomime dame?"
"Actually, no. But there is an opening for a pole dancer. Several, in fact."
I raised an eyebrow. "Please tell me you are kidding."
"Uts thirty hours a week on a self employed basis. I believe the tips are good."
"Please, please tell me you didn't just advise me to get a job that involves parading around in front if strangers in my underwear."
"You said you were good with people. And you seem to like.... theatrical.... clothing." He glanced at my tights,which were white with little ribbons all over them. I had thought they would cheer me up. Luca had hummed the theme tune from The Little Mermaid at me for almost the whole of breakfast.
Billy tapped something into his keyboard. "How about 'adult chat line supervisor '?"
