venting?

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this is not an update, even though only a little few are reading this ff and that's exactly why I thought about doing this here? cause no one will see this

It feels kinda ridiculous, it makes me feel more weak thinking about talking about this, the thought that someone might read this makes me feel more of a loser...I just can't stop this feeling...I've been thinking about this thing for the past few weeks...I'm so lost, I don't know what's wrong with me, no one seems to understand or care too..but I don't blame them really cause I don't know what is happening in that mess of a mind..I'm getting back to this bad habit of self-harming..I'm scared of not being able to stop it anymore...I asked for help, trust me but it seems like I'm invisible? or maybe I've been screaming under water cause no one listened..I'm tired of even talking about it or even denying it, i don't know the reason but I'm going into this deep deep dark hole and it's suffocating me.. my parents don't believe in something as mental illnesses so why bother talking to "fully grown up" about it...I don't know what is going to happen and I don't know if I'll like it...but the world feels so small for my fragile, broken body to fit in...I just hope this ends cause I can't take it anymore..it's so loud and I can't take it anymore...

I might not be active for a long while but I hope everyone is doing fine and if you're struggling with something, don't wait till it's too late to be saved...

till then I hope it's less tragic.

loff u♡

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