Accept

Mountain Pt 2

I lay on Emma's soft bed without asking if I was too loud to lie down, but I did anyway. Feeling the lovely softness on Emma's bed reminds me of when it was snowing all day. I would come inside with snow all over me and shake my whole body to get rid of it. This usually pisse my mom off, but at least the snow cleans the floor. I would lie in my comfortable bed and wait until my mom could bring me hot coffee with her delicious homemade chocolate chip cookies. My mount couldn't resist her chewy cookie. All this thinking had made my head stressed again. I don't understand why, but I get shaky whenever I think of something or picture an image. I have a difficulty where I can't handle myself when stressed out, but nobody seems to notice. We all have our things on our minds, especially regarding counseling services.

Emma walked in with her cup of ice coffee. I immediately got up from her bed and stood up my whole body before the bed. Emma was surprised that I got out of bed, and she chuckled. I smiled nervously since I didn't know if I was supposed to ask her permission to lie on her bed, but she said she didn't mind me lying on her bed since I was exhausted from the day. She placed her drink on top of her drawer and sat beside me. She pulled her hair backward as I watched her move with her hand. As she got comfortable with me, I took a deep breath and began to talk. I asked her how her room was lovely and that she expressed her personality in detail rather than just talking about herself. She then questioned about her room and acted like there was not much to discuss.

On the other hand, I love how she has a massive flag on her window since nobody can judge her from looking outside in the middle of the night. Since she lives close to the woods. She said she explained that she wanted to give her room a little more festive and creative. She loves having a picture of Billie Eilish and Olivia Rodriguez. But she suggests that Oliva Rodrigues has been her favorite singer since she released her song, Driver's License.

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My mind couldn't stop listening to Driver's License since it brought enough energy for her to do her homework in high school, she said. She never actually went to one of her concerts, but she plans to attend one next year when Oliva is in her state so that ticket could be cheaper. I couldn't agree with her more, especially when fans demand more expensive access to VIP seats, I said. Emma agreed with what I said and didn't understand how people can afford a ticket that costs way more than a car payment. We laugh it off a bit and talk about rip-off artists who aren't making enough money by creating new songs that can beat other artists who are talented but not too talented. I was too quiet around her, but she made me want to say something that I would say to my brother. Emma started the conversation, and then I would respond, like Oh or even I see in every sentence she finished.  

She never judges how I talk but seems to notice that I'm not an expert in conversing with others. Emma then asked me a personal question about why I'm like this whenever I talk to someone. She said I didn't have to respond if I didn't feel comfortable explaining, but I believe I can trust her, and she'll understand me more. I said to Emma that I had been like this since elementary school. I thought I was in a regular classroom like everyone else, but once I got older, I realized that I was memorable like everyone else who was like me. When I say unique, I mean I was disabled, such as having trouble understanding a question, communicating, or socializing with other students. I didn't understand it at first since I stole some files from high school, and I assumed that the school required me to get enough help from teachers and be placed in a particular ed class. There are many ways to call it, like special ed or Iep. The school didn't find out I stole the file, but I kept it since it had lied to me over the years. Emma was curious about the school lying to me at first. She questioned why the school would lie to you if they were helping with your academics. I didn't know why I blamed the school for having to keep this secret for almost ten years in school. Still, I wanted to understand more about myself and why I am so different from other students who have a regular education without any particular need. You probably have a standard instruction for the last four years of high school, but she disagrees. Emma disagreed with the fact that she had a regular education since she wasn't disabled. She took a deep breath and explained that even since COVID-19 happened, my whole world was falling apart. I couldn't deal with the pressure of when it ended or how I go outside with my friend without catching a virus. It's like being grounded for sneaking out one night and having your parent figure out you're not sleeping in your room. I was alone in my room, thinking every day about how I would finish high school; I felt I would graduate high school virtually like the class of 2020. She expresses herself while controlling her emotions. The fact that I didn't need any assistance in learning. I manage to try to keep myself from letting my worries kill me. And yes, I graduated with all my friends, but that doesn't mean that anyone can attend graduation, especially famous singers who didn't have graduation. Still, at least they accomplished what was needed for them.

I think Emma might be right about something. I completely understand you, and I have been there, believe me, because I felt I was the only one who had to deal with my thoughts going insane over this mandatory indoor, I said. Emma giggled and said, "Glad we're not crazy after all," she replied. After discussing our past issue, I lay back in Emma's bed, staring directly at her ceiling. She then went along and lay down with me. I didn't ask why, but perhaps she had done right. As we stare at the ceiling, I ask Emma if she feels bored after graduating high school, which means no more walking to classes, watching fights, or attending school events. Emma thought about it for a second and admitted that it is boring now since we are adults and we have to do things ourselves without our teacher telling us what to do. 

" After high school, I didn't know I could get accepted to college, but it just happened; everything seems different now that a few of my friends have moved to other states where they would spend a thousand grand for a good college. Meanwhile, I stay in my state, and sometimes when I dont have classes, I explore the wilderness and try to find meaning about what I will do with my life," She explains.

" I mean, I saw people changed, and they'll keep changing until they find a purpose in their life, but that doesn't mean you can also change."

I asked Emma if she found any purpose in what she wanted to do one day after college, but she had no clue if she'd even have a drive one day after college. Emma was still trying to find her purpose, but I never thought about my purpose. Emma then asked me about my life. She was shy about asking about my life because she didn't want to overwhelm me, but I wanted to be honest. I told her how high school had changed me for the rest of my life, but sometimes, we regret things we shouldn't have done. My world was starting to change, especially with my nemesis and people I had known since elementary school. I calm my head down as much as possible. I never understood how mental health works. Emma agreed with how COVID has changed some parts of me, but for her, she sees me as usual rather than crazy. Emma and I discussed the next step in our life; she seemed nervous about it.

I asked Emma why she appeared quiet. Discouraged by the look on her expression, She was reticent. I gently held Emma's hand; her hand was warm but soft. She looked at her hand and then at me. I smiled at her, and she giggled funnily. Emma got up from her bed and started to explain herself. Emma couldn't help but think that there would be some mistake in her life and she might find a new one. She wouldn't keep herself motivated if she experienced some regret or misunderstood consequence. Emma's face changed as she was being honest. I could tell that she was also worried since I told her about my mistake and regret. Emma then sat down with me on the bed, completely covering her face with her hand. I get close to her to make her feel like she is not alone. I put my hand on her back; she seemed relaxed. I told her everyone makes mistakes and sometimes regrets things they shouldn't have done. I, for one, will never regret making myself look like a criminal since I had experience with the consequences and how this would change my whole life just for one stupid mistake.

I said it won't hurt for a while, but this doesn't mean you can look forward to a better future if you put your fear behind you and focus on the new thing. I sighed and gave some space to Emma, and I believe she heard what I said to cheer her up. As Emma put her hand down, she gave me a huge. Emma snuggled around me and thanked me for that pieceful advice, which wasn't enough to give her confidence, but it seemed like my words were enough to cheer her up. After we ended that lasting hug, Emma asked me if she liked girls, which I asked her when I met her at my job. I annoyingly told her to shut up, and she laughed hard as she fell to the ground. I crawled from her bed and jumped on top of her stomach. We both hit hard, and thankfully, we didn't break a rib. Emma was happy, and I was glad she smiled again; she was calm. We sat on the ground floor while Emma suggested taking a photo with me. I told her I didn't mind taking a picture with her; thankfully, she did. Emma and I got close and yelled out, "Photobum," yelled excitedly. I then said, "More like Photoshop." I couldn't believe that I took a selfie with someone. I never taken a selfie in my entire life. I experienced the bonding of friendship.