infidel (johan liebert x reader)

Chapter 20

"I'm not a child." You mumble, just like a child after throwing a tantrum.
"Of course not." Johan reassures as he continues to brush your hair. The hair dryer is at your side as small droplets of water splash your wrist. You felt like a child not even being able to manage drying your own hair.
"So that means that you don't have to treat me like one." You both lock eyes in the mirror, Johan stops for a moment before continuing. "I'm aware."

"I don't understand." You're not sure whether you were speaking to yourself or him.

Why do you speak so freely in his presence anyway ? The book remains abandoned in your lap. You subtly notice Johan peer over your shoulder but he's  not looking at the text in the book but rather he looks at how your eyes scan the page and how your brows furrow when reading a new paragraph.

           Silence will solve nothing.

You slam the book shut slightly struggling due to the cast but you manage to shut it anyway. Johan attempts to retrieve the book from your arms yet while in a stubborn trance you cling to the book. It is only when Johan tilts his head with a certain look in his eyes do you reluctantly hand it over.

"Why are you here ?" You pause, daring to stare back through the reflection.
"With me." For a moment you did contemplate grabbing the book back and throwing it at the mirror.

"Just go." There's a chance you slipped a don't in there but you're not certain.
At other times when sat in silence you wouldn't mind the quietness but now in the moment it feels like nails clawing at a chalkboard.

Johan watches your every move through the mirror

When you walk out of your room Ainsley-yes you named the spider that lives in your apartment Ainsley- is there waiting for you as he creates another web. You appreciate his artwork yet you do wish that he would move around the apartment more often since he's starting to make a specific corner of the room look rather abandoned.

You think about how quickly it will take Johan to walk out the door. Just like how quickly he walked in today. It was as if you not being able to hold a book meant that you weren't capable of doing anything basic that included minimum effort.
You think that was the conclusion Johan came to.

Too frustrated at particularly nothing, you're left with just simply sitting with your thoughts. Thoughts that you've always kept to yourself. That is until Johan followed you and did what you surely didn't anticipate.

He kneeled before you like how a man giving his other half a ring would. Your fingers that escaped the cast clinged onto his sleeve. It sounds ridiculous but it's the first time you've seen him not wearing his blazer. He's looks rather fine without it.

"I don't know what to do." You whisper.
Suddenly your worries slip past your lips before you can even grasp the fact of what you're doing. Worries you wouldn't of ever of told anyone. How there's no fulfilment in your work but even then at your most vulnerable while not even working you're still not fulfilled.
No matter what there was no chance of fulfilment anyway knowing your luck.
You're not wanting to be so involved and yet when you are you suffer such consequences.

"I wouldn't be wearing this stupid cast."
Your eyes stare down at your lap, Johan listens but the silence is deafening.
You wish he would say something distracting. "I don't know why I said that." You frown at the realisation.
You've seen so many people with such difficulty and yet you remain here patronised by your own unsatisfactory.

When he then takes your hand in his a shock goes right through you. An agony comes back to visit.

                  Buzz.Buzz.Buzz.

You flinch at the touch but he doesn't mind instead Johan rests his left hand on your cheek making you finally for once truly look into his sapphire eyes. Not once has his eyes looked anywhere but your face. "Then why do you still carry on ? You shouldn't have to carry that burden within you." He says with a softness in his tone. A slight furrow to his brows lets you know that he is asking you a question but in reality you both know you have no answers for him. It frustrates you endlessly.

"You should get some rest." He stood up and while only briefly still remaining seated, the tone has changed. Johan still has his eyes on you yet he's looking down at you making you feel somewhat small, briefly. "It's getting late." You turn to look out the window and it actually was becoming quite dark rather quickly.
How long was he exactly here for ?

He doesn't even turn back as he walks towards the door but he surprisingly does when slowly opening the door looking back over his shoulder to see if you're watching. You are.

When you follow him outside you expect a brief exchange in goodbyes. What you don't expect is Johan to suddenly stare right down at you with his thumb hovering over your lip so close yet they don't touch. To catch his wrist would've been awkward with the cast so there you were stood almost frozen in your spot staring up at those unreal eyes.
You couldn't wait to get that cast off.

"You're so desperate, y/n." He sighs, rather to himself. So are you ! is what you wish to say yet you don't. He turns to walk down the dimly lit corridor as you stare on in pure confusion. He doesn't look back this time. An unfamiliar pair of neighbours pass by, practically sprinting to their door after seeing the sight of you and Johan together. You're not sure why the neighbours keep their heads down, refusing to look your way.
A widen and frightened look expressed in their own eyes.

It's only when the man places his hand behind the woman, urging her to rush along with the words "Don't look back !"are whispered, you once again snap out of your trace. You shake your head at the pair. Your apartment building isn't popular for a reason.

When you reluctantly walk back inside your apartment the book which Johan left on the seat was laid out open on a page you were nowhere near close to reading.
Despite barely glancing at the page, it wasn't the top of the page that you noticed straight away but rather the last ever words on the page were what caught your eye.

     What's yours will be known.