Boys of Freedom

[6] 𝕯𝖊𝖓𝖎𝖆𝖑

(Denial)
★
Hey, this is not real. I hope someone's reading, though.
★

It was nearly ten in the morning and I had woken up. I was tried, but kept thinking about all the stuff that happened yesterday and I just couldn't sleep anymore. I took my pants and green fabric bag, grabbing one of Goren's sweaters from his dresser, before heading towards the bathroom, so I could change the bandages binding my chest, behind a locked door, with no one watching.

I dragged my feet the whole way, sighing every five seconds. I was completely exhausted from what happened yesterday, and could barely keep my eyes open. I finally reached the door, noticing that it was locked.

"Seriously?"

I sighed, rubbed my eyes, and waited for some minutes. Thoughts were already filling up my mind, and it made me even more tired and overwhelmed. I played with the rings on my fingers, shivering slightly in the soft pyjama pants I had borrowed and my undershirt, waiting impatiently.

The door opened and Goren walked out. I hadn't even noticed that he hadn't been in his room, when I left. I guess I had been too tired.

The first thing I saw when he walked out, was the panicked look in his eyes, but I also noticed his sharp and fast breathing. His mouth opened and closed, like he was trying to say something, but he couldn't get the words out of his mouth.

"Uh...the stuff that happened yesterday, you know," he began, still gasping for air,
"I'm kinda freaking out."

"It's okay, sit down, take a deep breath and we'll talk about it," I said, taking his hand. He pulled me towards him, and we both sat down on the floor right outside the bathroom. Pretty funny place to sit and talk, if you think about it. None of us really cared, though.

"I really like you, Elion. It's just... It feels so wrong."

What exactly is the right thing to say in this moment? I didn't know.

"Well, if you like me, then..."

"I'm just scared," he interrupted me. "I've never felt like this about anyone and...I just..." he paused, looking up at me, "I wish you were a girl..."

I guess Goren didn't know the right thing to say, either.

★

"I'll be fine, Elion."

I was sitting on the edge of one of the chairs in the warriors meeting cabin. The cabin where they planned attacks, defences and lots of horrible war-stuff, that I barely knew anything about, even though I was being trained into becoming one of them.

I was desperately trying not to get another panic attack. I had already been through two of them, when I heard the horrible news, and I wasn't looking forward to having another one. I glanced over at Goren, sitting across of me on the floor, leaning against the dusty, wooden wall. He looked so small, weak and fragile, and I couldn't keep eye contact with him.
My whole body was starting to shiver uncontrollably, and I shook my head.

"No, you won't. We're fucking going to fight against at least 100 grown elves!"

I swore a lot, when I was frustrated, anxious or scared, this was no exception.

"Elion, please-"

"No, I don't want to fucking hear it, Goren."

I paced the room, thoughts filling my head up, making everything worse. I raised my voice, prepared to let all my anger and frustration out.

"Don't you understand? I could've helped you train, if we had known sooner, and then maybe you would actually have a chance of surviving!"

I threw multiple old and thick books on the ground, sneezing as the dust filled up my nose. I ripped some of the pages off and knocked over a small wooden table. I was furious, but not really just because of Goren. I was frustrated, because not a single person had told me, that we would be declaring war against Malachite Clan soon, let alone that me and Goren was going to fight in it. We were just kids.