AMAL: hope

CHAPTER THIRTY ONE.

Those who throw punches, don't know how much it hurts.

AMAL .

  I approached his room slowly. My heart beats louder than my steps. It would be a blatant lie if I said I wasn't scared. I am scared. Why did he call me? He has being acting weird this two days. I stood in front of his door. My heart beating wildly against it's ribcage. I am so petrified. I raised my hand slowly and gave a sharp knock. My breathe hitched. I paused waiting for his answer but from there in came none. Should I knock again. I closed my eyes tightly trying to calm my racing heart before I knocked again. The sound of the knock echoed into my ears.

  " Come in." I wondered how I heard that in my petrified state. My hand goes to the door knob and tighten around it. Dear God, today's school drain all the strength in me. I don't have strength to receive another scolding. I bent the handle of the door knob and it opened. I took a deep breath before opening it wide enough for me to enter. After I entered, I was contemplating whether I should leave the door open for an escape route or...

  " Close the door." His voice came in. I panic a little before stabling myself to brace for whatever is coming. I closed the door and the sound of it closing made me realize that we are just only two in this room. Him and I.

I look around and his room had only the dim blue light on. His king size bed laid with a neon black bedsheet and the black duvet spread halfway over the bed. The potted plants beside his bedside were still there only the fact that the white lotus flower had bloom into it's vibrant white colour full of life. His door to the closet and restroom closed. He is presently sitting on his study table his laptop on. He already changed as what's left on his body was just a black pants and shirtless torso. He seemed so focused on his system and I took that time to look at his sliver wall clock. 10:42 pm. I wonder why he called me now. Was it to make him another plate of dinner or he needs coffee. This awkward silence is making my belly churn in anxiety.

  " Aren't you coming over here or are you fascinated about how my room look. " He said not even turning back to look at me. I let my feet drag me helplessly towards his side. I stood beside him my hand fumbling with my silk nightwear.

  " Sit."

I looked at the second office chair beside him and wanted to sit on the chair when his hand went directly behind my waist holding my waist in his grip, he pull me to his laps and made me sit. Everything stopped no one moved. My breathing erratic goosebumps on my laps as it immediately made me self conscious of what I was wearing a silk short gown with only a single piece of pant underneath. I was braless and embarrassed. I clenched my fist the moment I felt his breathe on my neck. He was inhaling the scent on my neck. I was invisible trembling. I don't know how to describe the moment. The first time, I was raped, I knew nothing cause I was knocked out. The second time, All I felt that time was anger, hatred, disgust and helplessness. Right now I don't know what to do or how to feel. I wanted it and neither did I want it either. I was helplessness in-between. We were couple and we weren't practicing celibacy either.

  " Amal." His voice came into my ear. My breathe hitched again. I felt like I was sitting on something hard. I wasn't a novice. I read a lot of novels for me to know what is happening. I shifted on his laps cause it felt extremely uncomfortable sitting on his growing ***** . My bare thighs mistakenly brush through it and he hissed.

" Amal."

I was in trance state. What's happening. My heart beating. The knots in my stomach tightening. I felt his lips on my collar bone and like a toddler who just saw his favorite candy, he nipped on my neck. I didn't move. I was scared of shaking. I hate what this is doing to me. I joined my thighs tight. His hands went to my chest and he groped them tight. I don't know what sound was that but it escaped my lips. I brought my hands wanting to close my mouth but his hand held them back.