my life with a sip of imagination

stressed

The weekend passed by. And instead of getting better, the symptoms got worse.

My head is truly killing me and I feel like throwing up all the time.
Medication isn't helping.
I can't think straight like this but I don't want to miss school.
So hopefully I will get better.
I did do some school work though.

I don't want to be useless.
I hate being useless.
I want to do things.
I had plans but I have to throw them all away.
I want to draw. I can't.
I want to write. But I can't.
I want bake for my friends. But I can't.

It's frustrating which makes me nervous.
Which results in a bigger headache than I already have.

I want to write. Work on a webtoon, write my book, write some poems, anything but I can't. I fucking can't.

Yes, I am repeating myself but it's just so frustrating.
Also everyone at home is in my way.
I need to take care of my nephew, my sister is always arguing with everyone, my mom is frustrated to and projects it on everyone around her etc.

And if this all isn't bad enough I got a bad grade for math.
Math! A subject I have no problems with and that actually interests me.
And I can't check what I did wrong so I am overthinking it now.
I am feeling claustrophobic in my mind.

They say someone with an iq of 140 is extremely intelligent.
But I do not feel that way.
I feel like the dumbest person in the world.
Also when people hear that I have such a high iq they expect me to have perfect grades, only make smart decisions etc.

But I am still human. I make mistakes.
Sometimes I don't understand something immediately.
But all that pressure makes me feel worthless because I don't comply to their expectations.

Yes I have some outstanding skills but I definitely have a lot of flaws too.
People probably think I am attention seeking or something because of what I am saying.
But it truly isn't my intention.
I just want you to understand that I am tired and stressed 24/7 because of everyone around me.