Silence - Tubbo x male reader

Cold Sweat

When it was time for bed Toby set up this bundle of blankets and pillows on the floor. That was supposed to be for him, but I refused to sleep in the bed while he slept on the floor. It took some convincing, but eventually I persuaded him to let me sleep on the floor. It took me a while to fall asleep. I was tossing and turning, and Toby seemed concerned. "You good?" He asked definitely more than once before I fell asleep at around 1am. The floor was very uncomfortable, but I didn't want Toby to be uncomfortable. It also might have been a self-punishment thing where I thought I deserved the floor over the bed, but I was too tired to put much thought into it.

I woke up in a cold sweat. My breathing is heavy, sharp, and quick, and my heartrate just as rapid. I feel like I can't breathe. I don't know where I am at first, but then I remember that I'm on Toby's floor. I want to cry. When I finally gather myself, I check the time on my phone, it reads 3:03am. I must have woken Toby up, because he looks at me sleepy and confused. "Colby? Are you okay?" Toby asks quietly, definitely still half asleep. "I'm fine." I manage to stutter out through my frantic breaths. Soon I might be hyperventilating. It's clear I'm not fine, I hope Toby doesn't notice, but I think he does.

Toby sits down on the floor with me to make sure I'm okay before pulling me into bed with him. Toby pulls me into a hug and strokes my hair. I start to cry. It's ridiculous, but once my tears began, I couldn't stop them. I'm not sure why I'm crying; it simply happened. It could have something to do with the fact that no one, not even my own parents, has ever held me like this before to soothe me. "Shhh, it'll be okay." Toby repeats again and again in a quiet, gentle, and soft voice as he lets me cry on his shoulder. Once I calm down a little bit he speaks, "What's wrong, Bud?"

I begin crying once more. This time I understand why. It's because my mother used to call me bud when I was younger, and I miss it a lot. It was the closest thing I had to the holding I mentioned earlier. It means a great deal to me. It makes me sad and happy all at once. I'm crying, but it gives me a brief smile. After a moment of contemplating whether I would like to open up, I decide it would be best if I do. "I had a nightmare." I finally speak up quietly. We both sat in silence for a few minutes. This silence feels comfortable. It's like it wraps around me like a warm blanket. It feels nice. After a minute he speaks up again, "Do you want to talk about it?"

I nod. "I woke up in my bed like I always do really early in the morning, I went to my bathroom because I was thirsty or whatever. When I look in the mirror, I see myself, but it doesn't feel like me. It doesn't feel quite right. It's as if I'm staring back at someone who is hiding in my skin and pretending to be me." I don't bring up the fact that this is a reoccurring nightmare since I don't see the point. For the time being, Toby keeps me close.

"I think you should try and get some more sleep." After a while of holding me, Toby spoke up with a reassuring look on his face. "Nooooo." I'm a touch dramatic, but I'm exhausted. I don't want to sleep again. I'm afraid I'll have another nightmare, and if I go to sleep, the dawn will seem much closer. Then I have to go back home. "Yes." With a sigh, Toby says. "No." We're bickering back and forth like a parent and a child. As the argument continues, I become increasingly distressed. I believe Toby realizes this because, after a while, he resumes comforting me as before. He comforts me and places this 10-hour loop of Memory from Undertale on my laptop. We squabble over who gets to sleep on the bed again. He eventually gives up and allows me to sleep on the floor, but he sits next to me until I fall asleep. This is one of those moments in life that you will never forget. It means so a great deal, even though it's so small, that you keep returning to it, at least that's how I feel.

A longer chapter! I wrote this at 5-6 am! -Tad