marring into holly wood

what the fuck ?! cont. (t.w.)

(Sarah)

My world just went upside down

"Pregnant? And what does that have to do with MY Husband" I said as I wouldn't look at Norman but I could feel his eyes

Diane looked terrified but I tried to remain calm as this wasn't on all her.

"It's Normans baby" I grabbed the counter as I felt Norman reach for me but I told him"put ur hands on me and see what u pull back"

He stood tall as I asked the question that I knew would seal me and normans fate. I knew Diane wasn't LIEING because I've known her for 15 years.

"10 weeks"

I did the math and simply looked down as I nodded and I heard Norman speak but it didn't register. All I felt was pain.

I'm tired of heart ache I'm tired of lies and I'm tired of life plain and simple.

Norman approached and I just looked at him.
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(Norman)

I'd never seen her this quiet Sarah won't speak and I saw something I'd never seen .I tried to touch her and she just glared and had Tears streaming down her face and she just looked hurt.

"Baby.."

"Congrats Diane" was all she said as she walked back up the stairs

"Leave"! I said loudly as I walked her out

"Norman we have to talk"

"I need to check on my wife " I slammed the door in her face and turned to see Sarah sitting on the steps

"She's carrying ur kid u need to be nice to her.i won't get in the way"

She said as she wouldn't look at me. "What the fuck?"

"Baby no I don't I don't even know if that kids mine ok" she laughed

"U lied to my face and for some reason I don't wanna kill u I'm just done"

Sarah got up and went to our room as I tried to follow but she kicked the door. "Sarah please"
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(Sarah)

"Sarah please" I heard and laughed

My mom hates me

My father disowned me

My sibling won't have anything to do with me

My best friend fucked my husband right after I had a miscarriage and to top it off

Norman lied to my face

I'm just done.

I'm tired of being in the way

I don't feel like crying yelling screaming or anything I'm just done

I sat at the end of my bed looking at the only ultrasound I got that was giving to me after the miscarriage by the doc and that little jelly bean was so cute.

I looked up to see our wedding portrait and we looked so happy but it was all fake

Happiness isn't real

Love isn't real

I just wanna escape

I wanna be out of everyone's way

I sat there for what felt like hours and tried to think of one thing I did right but clearly I can't do anything since the ones that 'love' me keep hurting me.

I could hear Norman in the background knocking but I didn't pay attention.

I was suffering trying to stay sane after our baby died and he went and fucked Diane a month later because I wouldn't fake being happy when he didn't even wanna say I was his wife?

I'm done with this I'm done with all of it.

I sat in the room and just thought about leaving but where can I go?

Norman talked me into giving up my life.

My job

We combined our bank accounts

I have nothing

I just laughed at how stupid I was

I got up realizing this is what I have. So I just have to make the best of it !

I got up and washed my face as I saw how rimmedy eyes were.

As I calmed my numb body I walked out and past Norman who looked stunned

"Baby..."

"What?" Was all I said as I walked down the stairs

"Baby we need to talk"

I laughed and looked him dead in the eye

"No we don't. I wasn't enough so u fucked the only friend I ever had then lied to my face I'm done . I have nothing so I'm stuck go check on ur baby" "I won't get in the way "I walked past him into his office and he barged in

"What the hell does that mean?"

I looked at him confused"did I studder?"

"Sarah u can't believe that"he looked heart broken but I'm just amused

"O I can't?" I leaned back in the chair and put my hands behind my head as I looked up"I can't leave u have all the money and u talked me into giving up my job so what am I gunna do. ? Iv always been the one hurt so fuck it I'll have a step kid while u keep her as ur side piece I don't care"

I felt a pain I never had and it soon disappeared when Norman started yelling

"WHY THE FUCK WOULD I DO THAT?"

"BECAUSE CLEARLY OUR BABY DYING WAS A BREAKING POINT " I yelled back and he stepped back

"We're back to this?" "Seriously?" He had the gaud to ask

"I'm not fighting Norman. I'm trapt here u can do as u please" I opened my laptop to look for jobs and he slammed it shut

"U honestly believe I want her ,hell I married u for Christ sake something I said I'd never do with anyone. Sarah it was a mistake" he pleaded

"Yeah getting on ur bike that day was" I thought as my heart felt like it was gunna pound outs my chest so I threw my laptop and went back upstairs

"SARAH!" he yelled and I started tearing

"u don't mean that please tell me u don't" he whimpered as I looked down

"I'm not arguing with u . U have a kid now who cares about me" I cried and pushed him of when he tried to hug me

"Don't touch me" I walked upstairs and locked our door as I just sat at the end of the bed and sobbed. I haven't cried like that in years. Not since mama called me a slut for being raped.

I reached in my night stand and saw the perfect escape

"I'm just in the way" I said as I looked at my bottle of perocets from the miscarriage I kept in my night stand.

"No body wants u"

"Fuckin slut"

"It was a mistake"

"How can u even ask me that"

Those phrases kept playing in my head as I took two pills but it still hurts so I took them all.

I wrote a letter to Norman and just layed in bed after I ripped up the wedding picture and held my ultrasound

Within minutes I felt very light headed and just went black
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