The Rain ✔️

Letting go

"We were dancing between love and hurt for days, hours, months and years. Somehow we both managed to forget that someday one would win. I just never thought hurt would win and our final move would tear us down to the ground in tears just like the raindrops falling from the sky"

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Rain poured heavily outside as I sat beside the window staring at the raindrops breaking as soon as they hit the ground blending into the dirt and grass.

Curled up with my chin hooked over my knees I let out a soft sigh feeling so numb from my heart being ripped out of me. The rain was always soothening to me as it brought memories of all the good times and even the bad times.

The days we spent dancing around the living room with music filling our home and the times we ran back home both drenched from the rain as laughter errupted from the two of us. Even the days we spent cuddled up on the couch with no words shared and only a comfortable silence that embraced us was enough to fit in a very special part of my heart.

His beautiful smile and glittering eyes remain a precious memory in my mind as I captured the image with my mind letting it burn into my brain rather than letting it go.

We made sure to still count them to not live in a fantasy that relationships only existed out of good times and we made sure to learn from our mistakes.

Or well...we atleast tried.....yet.....

The bad times when we fought and cried out of anger and frustration from hurting each other also came to mind. The times we would start an argument over absolutely nothing and call the other dramatic or the times we were so immature fighting over our differences.

When we broke-up and hurt each other so badly yet always came back together just placing patches on the pieces we broke from each other. Our hearts were beating with love and affection yet held too many scars to be healthy, too many openings that got targeted and broken into pieces.

Those times are a bit too easy to remember......

Yet nothing compares to this rainy day. I guess it is almost like it was meant to happen on this day. The day we met it rained too so it should make sense it has to rain today. None of the other days we took time from our relationship did it rain. Like our future knew it was going to end like this. It hurts so much and a bittersweet smiles plays on my lips knowing the rain is our friend that came to comfort us at this hard time.

If only it could......no this is for the best....for us both

My thoughts get interrupted by footsteps approaching from the hallway where our bedroom is and I feel my heart squeeze in a painful manner before my head raises slowly just as the footsteps stop in the living room.

The sight that I'm met with has my face twisting in pain and sadness while tears just start streaming down my face without any warming. It drips down my face just like the tears dropping down his reddened cheeks.

His eyes look glassy and empty as the small smile falters when our eyes meet. His entire posture looks like he is ready to sink to the ground as his hands shake with the suitcase handle being gripped until his knuckles turn white.

The silence is solemn as we just watch the tears stream down until he musters up a smile making the dimples on his cheeks stand out shattering my heart into shards.

"I....I guess this is our last goodbye right? A bit symbolic for it to be raining too right?" His voice breaks as he huffs a broken laugh.

"Yeah...it seems the sky wants to comfort us today" I force the small smile to form as he steps forward closer to me. I can see the hesitance in his steps and his expression but I say nothing which he takes as a sign that I don't apose him coming closer.

My eyes fall shut us warm hands move to cup my face and a warm breath hits my face before he kisses my forehead making a sob break from my throat.

"I'm so sorry" I whisper as the lumb grows in my throat. His hands rub away the tears as he steps back looking at me with the softest expression.

"I'm sorry too" The corners of his lips tug upwards as his red rimmed eyes fill with the familiar warmth as he stares at me before it fades.

"I love you with every cell in my body and every beat of my heart. This is for the best and....you are so, so incredibly strong for chosing yourself, my dear. I wasn't strong enough and I hope I can grow but we....we both know it's for the best...I'm so broken inside now but..." He smiles wider with his chin wobbling with the tears dripping down.

"I'm so happy that I no longer have to hurt you on accident...it pains me to say it but...."

"Love means letting go when there is too much pain....and I love you too much to hurt you any longer aswell" I whisper back and a sob break from him as he tries to swallow it down. The warm hands leave my face and I resist the urge to cry out to just hold on to the touch a little longer.

Just a little bit....just a little longer please

He wipes uselessly at his own cheeks as he backs up slowly again picking up the suitcase. A suitcase filled with his belongings and so many memories.

A past so beautiful and painful....

"I love you Namjoon" He smiles at my words before pressing his hand to his heart.

"I love you Hannah" My fingers twitch and I push them under my legs refusing to reach out to hug him. It would just be too painful, he might be leaving as a choice from both of us but it doesn't mean we both would have chosen this if there was another option.

He takes a deep stuttering breath as he presses his lips together. "It was an honor to be your boyfriend, best friend, partner, love and companion for the last 4 years....thank you so much for staying with every struggle and fight...and thank you for motivating me to heal first. You are a wonderful, amazing person Hannah....and I hope one day if our paths ever cross again that the rain will fall showing how we grew" His smile grows larger as tears just stream down like a waterfall while my heart feels like it is being tortured with the worst pain I've ever felt in my life.

"Thank you for choosing to love me and not give up on me all those years ago...thank you for loving me and judt being the most amazing person to have come into my life and I'm sorry that we had to end this way but I hope with time it shows how we can grow and I will give you the widest smile I can muster the day we meet again. I hope you never stop being you, Joon"

He closes his eyes before nodding his head and we both give each other our final smiles before he walks towards the door. My body feels detached from my mind as I watch him walking away without turning back until the moment he puts his house keys on the table next to the door and walks out closing the door to the house.

It feels like my mind slams into my body as sobs errupt from my throat leaving me wailing loudly looking away from the figure dissapearing in the rain walking further and further away from me.

The door closed....the door is now closed for our past....

It hurts.....

"I love you so much.....that I had to let you go"

Forever and always my dear Joon