Caution

Whore.

"how many times will you walk out on me like im nothing? do i really mean nothing to you? is that it?"

". . ."

"you're just like your fucking parents."

"do NOT compare me to them."

"im only telling the truth. i mean, look at yourself. you look like a washed-up whore. just like your mom."

"...im fucking done. let me go."

"fine. go back to fucking random men at sight then."

"go back to drinking your fucking health away."

It keeps running through my mind. The words he said to me, the words I said to him, they won't go away. I'm not a whore, I'm not like my parents, I'm my own fucking person.

But... I did just let him fuck me. He fucked me sensless.
I didn't really want it... but I didn't stop him. That's how it always is.

They grab me by the waste and pull me in with romantic words and sweet nothing's, then they use me until I can't move any longer, until I'm hardly breathing. It doesn't matter if I'm on the top or the bottom, I'm still the one getting fucked in the end.

"Hey man, you alright?"
I just ignore my friend's words, they go straight through me like air going in my lungs.

Going in my lungs, like the nicotine I have on me. The flavors I keep inhaling, exhaling, and inhaling again, until my throat is dry and tastes like the juice contained in the plastic dispo.

"Is something bothering you?"
Why should they even care at this point? Everything we joke about, it has a deeper meaning. Well, to me at least. Why do I have to be the only one who knows? Why am I the only one getting these in depth memories of things that were supposed to be jokes?

"I'm fine."
I walk to the bathroom, leaning over the sink to look at my pathetic reflection in the mirror.

"Whore."

The words have been true. I can't deny it any longer.

I look down at my thighs, to my legs, and I tear of the fishnet-styled stockings I wore, throwing the ripped fabric to the floor.

"Shit..."
I can see the bruises and scratches along my body.

I take off my hoodie, and then my shirt.

"Ow.."

My chest is red and bleeding, I didn't think he cut that deep.
The bite marks, the knife cuts, nail indents-

"Dizzy..."

My vision blurs into dots of black and blurbs of color; I can feel my legs giving out.

"Not again....-"

I feel that quick, sharp, familiar pain in my neck.

"Oh.. cool. I guess I was... snapping out of it again, huh?"
I swayed in place and my feet started slipping on the tiled floor. I fell down on my knees, lightly hitting my head on the sink as I leaned forward.

"Hah.."

As I sat there on the floor, up against the sink, my body grew numb as my thoughts went dark.

"Guess I'll just... wait. Wait to wake up like nothing happened."

The alarm blared in my ear as I sat up in my bed.

"Ugh.. my head hurts. How much did I drink last night? I don't think I laughed that much-"

I got out of bed and grabbed clothes, ready for a shower.

"A hangover, great way to start the day." I laughed to myself as everything got drowned away by the sound of the shower water hitting the bathtub.

October 5th
2023

thank you for reading.
-🧃