Ephemeral: Love, Pleasure and Hidden Pains

Seventeen

(TW: blood, gun)

Mile is drowning, the water keeps flowing from the opening of his mouth and nose into his lungs. It was burning. Hurts. Please. His hand was frantically splashing in the cold of the water, trying to grab into something. To find an anchor. Nothing. He choked more on the water, burning, the more he tried, the more he was sinking deeper into the void. No air. No one saved him. He is lonely. Afloat in the middle of the depth. Then he gasped in a panic and a silent scream, a bubble of oxygen trapped in a circle air pocket was forced out of his mouth. The weight became more heavy, as if something was attached to his leg. Tugging, dragging him into the bottom of the gallon of water. Mile looks below, hands! Hands! HANDS! Was dragging him. Panic slipping in without any rescue.

Help...

Help...

HELP!

"P'Mile," like a sun bathing his face, the melodious sound of a man he loved. He really, truly would sacrifice everything in the world for him. His heroes without capes, just in a mix matching colour sneakers and colourful shorts. Smiles that lighten the day and night. The missing front tooth boy and light brown eyes. His hero. One that makes him feel like one who had fought alone was now with a stronger foundation.

"Mile. It is not your fault for not noticing. You had many things on your plate—" Tong voice echoing in his ears. Mile feels like drowning again and again. Deepest he ever was. Abused. Apo. Two words in one sentence. He could never imagine to hear that words together again after he was out of his family grasped. Mile falling deeper. Colder. He wanted to kill himself. How could he face the younger again? After all he swore to protect. To love. To cherish.

"Mile," the voice sounded so frail. Blood trailing down his face. His mouth was full of blood. He was crying, calling for him to help. Saving him from whatever trauma he had to endure for as long as Mile could ever remember. He had missed that. How? No more colourful Po. Just a dark monotone, brown eyes not shining anymore and Mile blamed the adultness. How? How could he miss? Mile blamed himself.

"Mile," his own voice called. Kinn called for him from afar, hand splashing into the water, dragging him upward and Kinn, himself slowly sinking into the bottom. For the first time Mile sees Kinn's face from his memory. The kid battered with bruises, blood slipping out of every wound, staining, dyeing the water red. Blood trailing with him into the darkness of the water. Mile gasped for the air as he reached the surface.

"Save us," his own soft voice echoing again.

***

Mile woke up startled. His body jolted, sweating profusely, soaking his black shirt. His surroundings were different. Not his apartment anymore. He looked out of the window with a shiver running down his spine. Jeff was unconsciously holding his arm while Bible had a worried face. He had no memory of meeting the two of them, they looked at him with worry. His eyes drive out again to the orange lighting building. His breath catches in his throat. Anxiety burst to kill him first before anyone had a hand on him. The same warehouse was just in front of his eyes. Place he had tried to avoid like a plague. Kinn had brought him here. Apo must be here. The building was still the same, no, it was built to look the same. It to torture him mentally. His hands shake as Jeff tries to ease his back. Tong looks at him in worry. His fiance was out of the car, looking at the empty, non security building. The trapped inside was unknown, but Apo was inside. He must be inside.

"P'Mile?," he heard Jeff called but it sounded far away. He knew he had no definitive memory of this place. His psychiatrist mentioned, it was locked deep inside him, in the form of Kinn. He shouldn't be scared of almost no memory place but his heart holds dear frightening emotions of it. It torments him inside, slowly eating him for years now. The hold on his arms tightening. "P'Mile, are you okay?," he heard the voice again but more clearly. Jeff worries eyes in line of his eyesight. Mile tried to shake away the dread. His head was screaming to run away from here but his body froze. As if he heard Kinn's deep voice screaming and begging for him to not leave.