Faceted Jade a.k.a Carven Jade [ENG Translation]

CHAPTER 59

Fu Changling heard his words, stared blankly at him, and repeated in disbelief, "You won't ever love me for a whole lifetime?"

Qin Yan hesitated for a moment as he looked at his expression. He didn't repeat the words and turned to look out the window. "The me now is your Shīxiōng. I'm not the same Qin Yan you know, and if the Qin Yan of the previous life knew that you'd told me this-" Qin Yan sighed, "he would have been very upset."

"Why would he be upset?" Fu Changling was unable to comprehend.

"Why wouldn't he?" Qin Yan turned his glance over and just stared at him, saying, "If it's true as you said, then he was the one who suffered in the previous life, and he was the one who loved you. But, in both your previous and present lives, you have never said a word of apology to him yourself, nor have you ever treated him as well as you should have. Now that you've been reborn, you're repaying the guilt you felt for him to someone who's never gone through all of that. Wouldn't he be upset if he knew?"

"But aren't you him?" uttered Fu Changling in agitation, while Qin Yan raised his gaze and appeared calm. Fu Changling had seen such an expression and heard such remarks from Qin Yan innumerable times since they met. But he never dared to confront it, and he didn't want to. He never wanted to think deeply about his past and simply felt it would be best to accept the sense that it was all burned out and fuzzy. But, for the first time, he realized that Qin Yan was the type of person who, if he was certain of something, wouldn't hide it simply because you didn't mention it.

Fu Changling looked him in the eye. He was so determined that Fu Changling didn't even know whether he was right or wrong.

"Do you remember what you told me when you came out of the Xuanji Secret Realm?" Qin Yan reminded him.

Fu Changling was in a daze, then heard him say, "He's dead, you said."

He's dead.

He's dead.

Fu Changling found it hard to breathe when Qin Yan himself said this. Qin Yan fixed his gaze on him. "Why backpedal on your words now?"

Fu Changling opened his mouth, but he was unable to answer.

His mind flashed back to Qin Yan's appearance and bearing: the time when he handed him the jade pendant during the discipleship ceremony, when he took Dahua and rode with his sword ahead of him, when he helped him tie his hair at the foot of the Cliff of Ten Thousand Bones, and when he helped him put on the wedding garment in Baiyu City.

As scene after scene flashed through his mind, he breathed heavily. Qin Yan calmly said, "It's just that after spending time together, you're looking for something to hold on to, that's all."

"No!" Fu Changling roared out loud, staring at Qin Yan in front of him like a wounded beast. With a sharp gasp, he argued, "You and him are the same person. This isn't about looking for something to hold on to. You are him!"

With that, Fu Changling got up from the bed. He walked up and came to a halt in front of Qin Yan, gazing down at him. "You share the same temperament, preferences, faiths, and principles as he does. You'll go through everything he went through, including-" he murmured in a low, raspy voice, "loving me."

"Qin Yan," he said, raising his hand and grabbing his, placing it over his heart. "Listen to your own heart. Tell me, in all this time we've spent together, has there never been a single moment, not even in the least..." His voice trailed off, and Qin Yan gazed up at him, his eyes sober and forthright. The tone of Fu Changling's voice was hesitant and a little uncertain. "Is your heart not the least bit touched?"

Qin Yan simply stared at him. His eyes were so apathetic that no emotions were visible.

He said nothing, but Fu Changling could see the answer in his eyes. Choked with emotions, he couldn't help but grab his shoulder and say, "Say it to me yourself."