Happiness, happiness is a state of being happy. There's been moments where I've been happy, of course. Like when my favorite Netflix show comes out with another season, or getting an A on an assignment. But true happiness. Being internally happy. I can't really recall a time when I've been internally happy. A day when I wake up to something to look forward to instead of anxiety being the first feeling I feel. I'm capable of being happy. There's just a massive wall of fear that's blocking my way. I can't tell if it's being judged or not being accepted. Or even just being afraid that if I try and swim up, I'll be let down and fall right back into the endless ocean I was in before. But this time even deeper. I'm afraid that once I actually reach the bottom of this endless ocean, there's no way of pulling me back out. So I keep myself behind this wall. I keep myself from reaching true happiness. Because I'm scared of falling back, scared of being judged, scared of getting criticized. We humans would rather face death than face our greatest fear.
Now today, all I do is sit pretty. Apply my skincare to the mask that protects my true self from the world. I go to lunch and eat every day with empty seats around me. Walk into class with all the eyes in the room on me. I go home with regret and overthink all the things I did today. I go to sleep knowing that I'm a sour grape in a bowl of sweet grapes.
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A Sour Grape In A Bowl Of Sweet Grapes
Storie breviThis is about Philip's current journey in being socially awkward. The moving school made Philp forget how to make friends, leading to awkward situations and losing his personality. He tries to fit in and be like others, but loneliness and envy drive...
