Waterbound

1930

Winter

~~~

The Common Room, never quiet, felt louder than usual. It held such an odd assortment of sounds, all fighting to be heard over each other. Laughing. Crying. Yelling. Someone tapped a checkers piece on the table. Tap tap tap. Over and over, a neverending rhythm of tap, tap, tap. Pat tried to block it out, to cover his ears, but the sound still wormed its way into his head. How long had he been there? Trapped. The same rooms. The same people. The same relentless noise. Tap tap tap . It was enough to drive anyone mad.

He couldn't take it. He left his spot in the corner of the room, by the window and approached the door, the way out.

An orderly stepped in front of him. "And where do you think you're going?"

Pat couldn't answer. He knew there was no place to go. He just needed away from the room, the noise. Tap tap tap . He tried to push past but the man shoved him back.

He sighed and returned to his seat. He looked out the window where the world outside was gray and frozen. The snow had mostly melted, leaving only traces along the edges, but the sky threatened more. Tap tap tap . Pat ran his hands through his hair and closed his eyes. Why wouldn't it stop?

A fight broke out from across the room. A new source of noise, one that nearly drowned out the tapping. The orderly left his place by the door, intent on breaking it up.

Without a thought, Pat slipped through the unguarded door. The hallway, same as every other hallway, was quiet. Peaceful. He reached the end and suddenly stopped, unsure. He didn't know where he was going as he knew there was no escape. Trapped. If only he could think.

He spotted an alcove cut into the hallway and ducked into it, sinking to the floor. He wondered how long it would be until they found him. And what would happen to him then? Isolation? Restraints? Something much worse? No one was allowed to leave the Common Room except when told to do so. He knew there would be consequences but he needed away from the noise.

Charlie found him a moment later. "There you are. Come on," he said, reaching for his arm. "Let's get you back."

"No. I can't be goin' back. It's too..." He tried to gather his thoughts but they wouldn't gather. "I don't want to go back."

"If you don't go back, where would you prefer to go?"

"Home." It was so simple, so clear.

"You can't go home."

"Me family needs me," he said, uncertainty in his voice. Do they need him? It had been so long since he had seen any of them. They may have moved on long ago.

Charlie took a seat beside him. "I'm sure your family is doing just fine without you."

Maybe he meant well. The words felt true, in any case. Why wouldn't they be fine? Sarah could handle anything. John as well and Eileen—

"Me daughter..." Pat tried to think of her. Remember her. She was so small. What had Sarah told her. "She's only three." He thought. He didn't know how long he had been trapped. An eternity? It felt longer. "She won't know me." Like John didn't know his own father, Eileen would grow up the same. The realization struck him like a heavy blow, that Sarah could remarry, and he'd be replaced, forgotten.

Charlie sighed. "I'm sure your wife will tell her about you," he said. "But, maybe if you behave yourself for a time, they'll take you off the no visitors list."

Pat could only stare. Forgotten. Alone. Trapped.

"Of course, that means no wandering off," the orderly continued. "This is the second time you've tried to escape."