I'm sorry...for everything

[1]

Trigger warning for:
- self hate talk
- mentioning of suicide
- suicidal ideation
- suicide
- addiction
- drug abuse

___

Should he just crash his car right here? Into a tree? Or better yet...maybe off a cliff? Then there would be a slight possibility that his body would not get found after getting washed away by the strong waves - if he was lucky enough. But then, it was not like anyone would even care to look for him.

Not after everything he had done today.

Not after being such a selfish asshole all his life and not being able to change until the end.

Ray was driving panicked under the influence after being thrown out of P'Yo's bar where they had just celebrated Mew's birthday less than an hour ago. He was driving way too fast and recklessly, but fortunately he managed to avoid hitting another car and causing an accident. It wasn't the first time he'd driven in such a condition. But now it was even more dangerous because his vision was completely blurred and thousands of thoughts were constantly running through his head.

Nobody would care if he was alive or dead.

They all treated him like trash.

Everybody.

Even his own friends.

But deep down he knew it was all his own fault. And when he was finally gone, no one would have to miss him anymore. It was better to end such things. It was easier that way.

Not only for him but for everyone.

Ray did it. He successfully distanced himself from everyone, but the intense stares filled with shock, hatred, and disgust, accompanied by hurtful slurs and declarations of being unlovable, felt like relentless knives, causing him to emotionally bleed.

But they were right.

He was an asshole.

He was a spoiled brat.

He was selfish.

He was unworthy of love.

Everything they had said about him was true.

Ray had finally made up his mind and there was no chance of changing it now. There was no way of stopping him. He had already finished the first thing on his list.

Pushing everyone away.

Now he was all alone by himself. Everybody finally hated him.

Mew

Cheum

Boston

Top

Sand...

Until now everything was going as planned.

Now he only needed to let them go. And Ray was going to do that. He had prepared himself for this moment a long time already.

He was ready.

Ray wanted no longer to bring his friends down with him. He made sure of that. And hopefully he could finally leave in peace.

He would no longer be a burden to others.

No one would have to worry about him anymore and be ashamed of being their friend.

No one would have to take care of him anymore.

A sharp pain gripped Ray's side, nearly stealing his breath. Despite his attempts to stay composed, his thoughts pursued him like predators, trapping him with their menacing fangs.