Be My Alice

The Impatient Hatter

I plunged my needle inside a charging knight. A squirt of his blood splatted my face. I shoved the body aside in time to see Crimson carrying Leon over his shoulder. I made an approach to follow but my path was blocked by suits of armor.

I huffed. "Gentlemen, let us be reasonable. Either you step aside or have the utmost pleasure of obtaining more cuts than you receive during your knightly training. And believe me, there is a high chance you will not survive." Their answer was the sound of them unsheathing their swords. I sighed. I despised getting my hands dirty, especially having to wear a white tailored top, white gloves, and clean trousers. I was not dressed for bloodshed. I am a Hatter. Not a warrior. Those days are behind me. Why couldn't I have one calm day without running into mayhem?

I mused in thought as I dodged each swing from one knight after another. Ah, yes. My calm days were interrupted by a tall turtle. I could have left him alone in the woods to let him rest until the next poor soul stumbled upon him. Christopher Rabbit brought me to him for a reason. The sly creature could have gone to any other passerby. What a coincidence Christopher hopped onto the same path I take whenever I go onto my smoke break.

I plunged my needle through their faces deepening into their eyes. "Do you mind? I am having a mental monologue. It is rude to interrupt", I scolded the already dead knight. "Does anyone know decency anymore? How sad."

The knights backed away in fear murmuring to each other. Probably conspiring on their next move. "He's not natural", I heard one of them say.

"He's a Mad Hatter. What do you expect?" the other exclaimed. "He's as mad as his relatives."

"We need to finish the job before he becomes hysteric." I rolled my eyes. I become hysteric if my life were in dire need. Me against this pathetic lot of knights was not enough to get me there. They could try... if they can stay alive for more than three minutes and I do not have time to play with faux soldiers.

Two knights were jerking frantically. I quirked a brow until their bodies became distorted and gained red velvet appendages. Oh. This was new. The two newly transformed knights attacked their remaining comrades devouring their flesh through the armor. How grotesque and intriguing I was witnessing. The plants were not the only things infected by the strange tentacles. I was not affected by their cries of agony. If anything, they meant nothing to me. I saw a hand beckoning me to help him. I merely scoffed. They were ordered to kill me. Should I feel remorse? No.

I gazed up at the hungry knights, their large teeth and bulging eyes were comically peeking out their helmets. Disgusting. They have no table manners. They do not have the decency to wipe their mouths. Plunging their sharp nails and slurping loudly, ugh, no manners whatsoever.

I pulled out my pocket watch and inspected the time. They spent three minutes and twenty-two seconds enjoying their appetizers. I cleared my throat loudly gaining their attention. "Forgive me, gentlemen. Are you quite finished with your meal? I am crunched on time. Either you attack me, or I will come to you, nevertheless you will die."

The knights licked their lips before running to me. I merely dodged the first; I sliced his head off. It rolled off as his partner hopped over it. His eyes were locked on my figure. I dodged again, but I stuck my leg out tripping the remaining knight. It had a spasm attack. I calmly walked over to him. I placed my hand on his head and twisted it to a 180 turn; it popped a satisfying crack. The body went still but the limbs twitched every few seconds. I was not happy, so I plunged my knife into his neck. His blood squirted onto my gloves. It stopped twitching in a matter of seconds.

Finally. I wasted too much time on these imbeciles. I pulled out my handkerchief and wiped the needles clean. I frowned at my attire. Bloodspots were evident on my clothes. The knights' blood ruined my clothes.

Note to self: get back my coat I have lent to Leon.

Speaking of Leon, I need to find him before a certain perverted captain does unspeakable things. I rushed through the trail Crimson took Leon to. I managed to find them in time seeing Sir Crimson leaning over a tied-up turtle to his mercy. I stepped on a branch and they noticed my presence. Leon was ecstatic to see me whereas Sir Knightly was the opposite.

"Why can't you die?!" He snarled like a wild animal.

"Is it not obvious? I am the bloody Mad Hatter", I simply answered. "Now. Step away from the turtle. Clearly, he is not interested in your... advances."

Crimson drew his sword as I tossed my hat aside. I did not intend to use my machine gun if it involved hurting my new friend. "Samuel, oh Samuel. You have a long way to go to please people. The turtle succumbed to me with his eyes. It is not my fault he is rather... alluring."

Leon visibly shivered. "Ugh! I said NO like a hundred times! Where I'm from, no means no, you fucking pedo!"

Crimson caressed the turtle's cheek. "And yet, your eyes were screaming YES."

In seconds, I had the sharp tip of my needle digging into Crimson's neck. My glare hardened like marble. "Your query is with me, Crimson. There is no need to bring others into our squabble."

The red knight hummed in thought. Then, his eyes brightened. "Why not play a game?" I gave the knight a questionable stare. "You and I want the turtle, yes? Yes. However, the Queen also wants the turtle. Why not react Wonderland's infamous game of White Rabbit?" The White Rabbit? Surely, he jests. "The game is simple without the actual white rabbit. You are this turtle's guide. Therefore, it is your job to get him home. Simple, yes?" he explained as he sheathed his weapon. My needle remained in the same spot.

"Your point, Sir Knightly?" I asked, impatiently.

"If you can get your attractive outsider to his home, then I will stop my chase."

"Chase?!" Leon exclaimed. "What is this, cat and mouse?!"

"Why yes, dear Alice! You are the mouse. I will play the cat chasing you throughout Wonderland! If I catch you, you will be mine! Well... the Queen's property until we get to Queensland."

"What is the catch?" I dared to ask. "Surely, it cannot be this simple."

Crimson chuckled. "Too true. Well... I will not be the only cat on the prowl. Every Wonderlandian will be a cat! Everyone will want the turtle!"

"Not on my watch", I declared. I dug my needle deeper. "I will get him home and YOU will not lay a finger on him."

Crimson stepped back. "You can threaten me all you like but can you threaten everyone who seeks your pet? I do wonder, too, Samuel." he stepped into the woods; his silhouette cast through the shadows. I hurried over to Leon and started working on tying the knots. "Beware, Alice! Your salvation is not as holy as he appeared. You are better off in my care! Fair thee well!" He disappeared.

I managed to untie Leon's top body before working on his legs. "Is he right? Am I safe with you or not?"

I glanced at the turtle. He was focused on massaging his wrists. Crimson was right in a way. I can be dangerous. I may not win every challenge that comes our way, but it was better than dealing with the maniacs who I know Crimson will spread the game to everyone including the Queen.

"Yes", I lied. "You will be safe in my care, Leonardo. No matter who or what comes our way, I will take you home. You have my word."

Leon was unsure of my words, yet he nodded. We need to reach the Pillar Sisters before the madness truly begins. One lead was all I needed to be ahead of the predators.