Loss and Love and Longing - Poetry by Soph

9 - Depression Days

Hello

~

I wonder why I don't have a lot of friends
But it's then that I realize it's because
I like to ghost
I don't mean that I just stop talking to them
And never show my face again
But really I fade into background
Friends stop asking questions
I don't let them in
It becomes harder to reach out
It seems as though I am mute
And they can't hear me
They don't know I'm there
And they talk behind my back
I come back into view and they act
Like nothing was said
I long for closer relationships
But I am vapor when we hug
I feel so alone because no one has died like I
I wish I were alive to experience life like they
But I don't know how to dig myself out of this Grave
Will I be stuck in this hell forever
Wanting to be close
Wanting to be alive but never living
Dying alone but never knowing
Never moving on
Never knowing how
Is there something I'm waiting for
Is there any more I can gain from this Existence Is there any other existence
Besides resistance, persistence, insistence
Consciousness without omniscience
Nonexistent
That's how my friends see me
I'm a ghost of a person
But not a person to them
We try so hard to relate to each other
Without realizing we'll never relate to the other
It's a bother
I just want to disappear forever
And never bother anyone again
That's what I deserve right
If I'm a ghost I'm just supposed to haunt or
Be extinguished for good without so much as a
Goodbye

-SP