Everything went wrong.

Chapter fourteen || Life keeps going, with or without you.

Millie's pov:

tw: mentions of: depression/suicide, drugs, drinking, family issues.

And after we get married we're moving away from here." he said. I stared blankly at him. "Okay." I said. I turned around and went upstairs to my room. I closed the door and locked it. I got in bed and curled up in a ball, knowing my mind hasn't yet processed it yet. "what happened to never moving again. huh dad?." I thought. I could feel a single tear escape my eye. I wiped it away and sighed. Knowing I shouldn't have trusted some silly promise, That never was an actual promise. I didn't wanna give everything up, I didn't wanna give up Isaiah. I didn't wanna give up Cillie and everyone else. "But maybe it's for the best, Dad and Michelle would be happier there." I thought. I got up suddenly, deciding that it was finally time to go see her. I got dressed in comfy clothes and opened my window. I was able to climb out onto the roof and jump down without getting hurt. I climbed out and closed my window enough to make sure no one from the outside would notice but to also make sure i could still get back in. I looked down from the roof to the ground, then jumped down. When I felt my feet touch the ground I made sure I was okay, which I was. I started walking to the cemetery. It was 2 a.m before I got there, I soon found my mother's grave and sat down next to it. "Hi mom. It's weird being here. talking to a tombstone. I know we weren't close but Dad is planning to move. Again." I said, trailing off. I had my knees to my chest while looking at the ground. "Mom, I don't know how much longer I can stay in this life. It's getting harder and harder." I said, not looking up from the ground. I could feel the tears coming out. "I'm using drinking and drugs just to numb the pain for a little while. I need something that lasts forever, I can't keep acting like I'm fine with everything when I'm truly not." I sobbed. "when will I ever feel happy again? When I'm gone from this world??" I continued. "I don't know how to deal with all of this, Why couldn't you notice I was struggling?? and if you noticed why didn't you get me fucking help? Because you didn't want to? Just like how I had to literally tell my doctor when I was a child I was struggling to see because it looked like I only had one eye? But I thought that was normal. I'm so fucking far from normal." I yelled at the stone. "Why couldn't you just help me. I needed help and you couldn't even be a parent and help like you were supposed to. You never gave me love like I needed, I needed that growing up you know." I continued yelling at the stone, yelling out all my emotions, I felt like I needed to just disappear from the world and from life itself. I started balling my eyes out, resting my head on the stone. "you know, I lost any love for you the day you called the cops on dad. I fucking hate you for that just know. The things you said to me. you claiming he didn't love you yet he fucking stayed nearby just incase you had a fucking issue and needed him. so honestly. fuck you, you destroyed me from the moment you got sick. You destroyed dad, I watched him get destroyed by you and you wondered why I never respected you? that's fucking why. You didn't care about him, you cared about yourself, you couldn't even see his own perspective while every time I cried, it was because I knew I was fucking doing bad and didn't know how to fix it. I was never selfish I was always trying to think on how to fix the problem, every time I was on call with my friends or playing games, I was thinking on how to fix our fucking situation." I said quietly, still sobbing. "I hate you so much." I said, falling asleep. When I woke up it was morning. I checked my phone and it was 5 a.m. "Damn I slept here." I thought. I got up without looking back, knowing that was my last time that I was going to see her again. I walked back home and climbed the tree near my window. I jumped onto the roof and opened my window. I closed it and went to go to my bathroom when I noticed a note that looked like it was slid under my door. I picked it up and read it, "I'm sorry, I know you're upset about moving but maybe we can leave this place and all the bad memories here." I looked to see who it was from, Michelle. I sighed, knowing they would just continue pushing this until I said I was fine with it. I went to my bathroom and washed my face, getting ready for school. I chose a comfy outfit. A hoodie and some ripped jeans. I put on my sneakers and unlocked my door. I headed downstairs to eat breakfast, I checked my phone, it was now 6 a.m, "dad should or has left for work" I thought. I grabbed a cereal bar and went out the door, I walked to school. It was 7:45 when I arrived. I sat down in the lunch room at my table. Slowly, one by one, everyone started showing up. Cillie, her boyfriend, Cade, and lastly hazel. Who for some reason looked shitty today. I looked up at her when she arrived, "Girl are you okay?" I asked her. "Fine, js was sick all night" she replied while sitting down. I made an Oh shape with my mouth then ate my cereal bar. I felt a tap on my shoulder and it was Isaiah, smiling at me. All I thought was "How badly is this gonna hurt him when I tell him I'm moving soon?"

Sad chapter, I cried writing this tbh.


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