Dear Sweetheart... Ranboo x Male OC

Dear Sweetheart...(Supposed to be last chapter 32)

Dear Sweetheart...

I love you so much Mark. A lot more than I love myself. A lot more than I love playing music. A lot more than painting. A lot more than Adventure Time. A lot more than the ridiculous amount of books I have. A lot more than tote bags. A lot more than theme parks. A lot more than anything and anyone. You will forever be my number 1. My go to person. Remember when I said "And I'll love you forever...Even if im...y'know what, nevermind." and you asked what I meant and I just said that it was even if you didn't love me back, I was lying. I wanted to say 'even if I'm dead'. But I didn't. Which leads me to tell you what this note is about. I'm killing myself, Mark. I'm sorry. I had my mind set to it before we started dating again. I still wanted you to be happy for the last couple months left for me. And I also wanted to be happy for a while. YOU make me happy by the way. You mean the world- no forget that- you mean EVERYTHING to me. I already said that though. But what's the problem with repetition? I love you so much honey. More than words can describe. And if I could, I'd kiss you goodbye, just before I jump off. Before I end it all. Before everything I had disappeared. But that's not possible. And I purposely made sure it wasn't possible. Because I know you would try to stop me. But you'll fail. And I know that for a fact. I loved spending time with you. I loved it so much. And I still do. It is something that I will miss the most. Please stay strong for me. Don't do anything stupid. And please for the love of god, seek help if things get bad. I wouldn't want to see you so soon. I need you there where you are. I don't want to randomly see you one day once I die. And I know that's probably the same thing my parents would've said but that's not the point at the moment. I always believed in soulmates. So when you came back into my life I knew you were the one I was bound to find. But it took some time. I still have our matching rings by the way. Well, at least mine. I don't wear it because I'm afraid of losing it somehow but I always make sure it's clean and safe. You remember the book 'A thousand boy kisses' by Tillie Cole? Our relationship always reminds me of it. Like here's a quick summary in case you forgot. The story is about how the boy, Rune, helps her (Poppy) collect her 'boy kisses', a task given to her by her grandma when she was young. The task is to collect 1000 before she dies. The boy makes it his mission, before the girl passes, to get her all 1000. Everything is the same for us. Except the part of the kisses, and the grandma dying. But think about it, at a certain age, Rune had to leave back to Norway and at some point Poppy stopped talking to him, then he came back and they slowly fell in love, not only that but Poppy was also dying. Except I left you. And I wasn't dying of cancer but I was dying. My soul died first. Then hope. Then any thought of not doing it. Now finally, I will die. Please forgive me. Forgive me for everything I've done. All the bad decisions I've made, all the harm I caused you, all the fake hope I gave you, everything. It was never my intention to make you believe you would be with me till we both grow old and die. You just assumed everything was fine and that nothing could stop us. And I'm sorry I ever made you believe that. I love you so much. And maybe one day you'll be able to accept the fact that this wasn't able to be stopped. Not with the shit I was put through. Also remember the first time you took me to the pier? I loved that day, and what I said about it being a good place to jump off wasn't a lie. It is a perfect place. I hope that after my death you can go there everyday and watch the sunset. I'll make a pretty sunset for you, don't worry. I love you darling<3 I hope you look at me during the sunsets, Hasta la vista!

-Your Creeper<3 (that was a hella cringe nickname btw, why did we come up with them!?)