Secret embraces || harry lewis

42

fourty-two

Sweating but freezing at the same time was one of the worst feelings. But right now I was thankful for feeling that way because it made me forget about my other feelings. "We're nearly there!" I looked up and saw Chris slowing down whilst Chip and his lime bike were speeding down the empty side road. "Where the fuck are we going?" Even talking was painful. The night was cold and my ears started to hurt. "You'll see." He grinned before nodding forward. I saw Chip turn around a corner and did the same, finally realising where we were.

We locked the bikes near the tall building on our right. "I completely forgot about this place." Chuckling, I passed Chip and Chris who both had a proud smile on their faces. "Told you she'd be happy." Turning around, I saw Chris taking his backpack off before motioning to one of the benches.

We were in a small park. A few weeks after meeting them, we ended up there, drunk. I remember us stumbling down the road, neither thinking about calling an Uber because all of us were sure about where we needed to go. We ended up staying on the exact same bench for the whole night, we stood in front of right now. "Here." I looked up and saw Chris handing me a bottle of beer. Grinning, I took it. "I'm hating being sober a lot right now." Chip muttered, being the first one to sit on the bench. I sat down next to him, trying to brighten up his mood. "Hey, at least one of us isn't an alcoholic anymore." Chris nodded, sitting down next to me.

I immediately felt safer than the hours before. Even with it being the end of november and only wearing a hoodie. But both, Chip ans Chris scooted a little closer, nearly sitting on my lap. "So." Chip was the first one to say something after Chris and I started drinking. "So." I repeated. "Harry." Mentally cursing myself for telling them about my second thoughts, I shrugged. "Maybe I've overreacted." Chris groaned. "Not true." I gave him a small smile.

"Fucking hell. It's just so confusing. After he brought me home and told me he still loves me, I've been having so many second thoughts. About everything." I blurred out. The men beside me were quiet and as I turned to face both of them I realised that neither of them knew about what had happened. "Harry did what!?" I felt my face heating up. "He was on the same road so he brought me home." I whispered, the bottle against my lips again. "Holy mother of god!" Chip exclaimed, making me jump a little. "You little, little, fucked up woman." Chip said whilst pointing at me.

Even though I tried not to, I let out a loud laugh. "He's got you wrapped around his finger! You're hopeless, Joan." I nodded at Chris' words. He was right. No matter what Harry said, I'd be hopelessly devoted to him. I was back then, I am right now and I will be in the future. "So what's the plan?" Confused, I looked at Chip, who looked at the trees in front of us. It started snowing a few days ago but didn't stay longer than two seconds. "Plan?" He shrugged. "It's not like you're just giving up on him."

Chris gave an agreeing hum from next to me. "You make me sound much worse than I am." Even the bugs crawling on the floor were giving me a massive side eye by now. "Oh god. I'm so fucking toxic. I shouldn't even be allowed to think about that." Chip shrugged whilst Chris gave me a small chuckle. "You could've done worse." I buried my face in my hands. "Like what?" I was embarrassed about what I've become. Even just thinking of how much I could be hurting Harrison with my thoughts, made me want to cry. "Cheat?"

I lifted my head and saw Chip nodding. "Yeah, yeah. You could've kissed Harry and then break up with Harrison. But you didn't! You didn't, right?" He whispered the question, making me groan. "I didn't! What do you think of me, mate!" He shrugged again. I liked sober Chip. He was much wiser and serious. But at the same time I missed getting drunk with him.

He was the most fun to be around because he's more of a lightweight than me. Chris and Arthur couldn't even be called lightweights, they just can't handle anything. But with Chip you can get proper peppered before he'd throw up. "But seriously; Joan you need to talk to Harrison." I nodded and took the last sip of my beer before getting up. "I will. Thank you." I smiled at the men in front of me, thankful for having them.

Something, if it's the universe or something bigger. But something brought them into my life. I will never know what or how, but they were a part of me now. I was thankful for them staying by my side no matter the decisions I make. No matter the mistakes. No matter how bad the things I did were, I knew they'd stay by my side. I knew they wouldn't leave, because up until now, they didn't. Something was telling me that no matter what, I'd never be alone. They'd always stay by my side. And so will I. I'd never leave them, because I know I couldn't handle it.

Harry

we need to talk

Harrison

we need to talk

I arrived back in the flat just thirty minutes later. As much as Chris and Chip tried to keep me from thinking about the worse scenario possible, it didn't work. Maybe Marsh didn't keep his mouth shut and Harrison was about to go on a killing spree. Or worse, Harry came over after I messaged him and told Harrison everything. "H?" I closed the door behind me and wanted to smile at the warm feeling of the air inside the flat.

But as soon as I turned around the corner leading to our kitchen, that thought completely left my mind. "Harrison." He was leaning against the counter, his face tired. "What were you doing out at four in the morning?" My head spun to stare at the digital clock of the oven. "Oh, just went for a quick talk with Chip and Chris." I smiled a little and watched him fill a glass of water. "About?"

This felt weird. Usually whenever we'd talk, there was something different to it. But right now I didn't feel like talking to him about whatever was going on. "Nothing interesting." I tried to chuckle but didn't as I saw the expression on his face. "Could've woken me up." I nodded and stepped a little closer. "Didn't want to. You've been working so hard lately." His face softened at my words. "That's, that's the problem. I've been working so much. I can't even find time to listen to anything you say."

He threw his head in his neck, groaning a little. "And with the tour coming up, it won't change." His voice got quiet. "I thought the same." I suddenly said, sitting on top of the counter, right next to him. He opened his eyes. "Not because of the tour though, right?" I shook my head a little. "No, not because of the tour." We gave each other a look, knowing that both of us were thinking about the same thing.

He pushed himself away from the counter just to step up in front of me. Wrapping his arms around my waist to pull me closer. "You can stay here though." I chuckled, stroking over his head whilst he leaned it against my chest. "Thank you, Harrison." Lifting his head, he gave me a soft smile and I finally felt as if the weight of the entire world was lifted off my shoulders. "But we're still up for tonight, right?" Chuckling, I nodded. "Wouldn't miss it for a thing."

He freed himself before putting his glass inside the sink and looking at me again. "I do love you though." I smiled, which he quickly did as well. "I know. I love you too."

With that, he went back to the room we used to share. I had every possible outrun in my head earlier but none of them were close to this. None of them would've ended up with both of us being some sort of happy. I couldn't believe that the universe decided to make my life even better than it has already been. It gave me the chance to make everything alright again. To apologise to Harry. It gave me one last opportunity which I wouldn't ignore. Tonight, after the event, I'd go to Harry. I'd tell him everything. I'd tell him about my feelings. Because I didn't lie. I was still madly in love with him.