Secret embraces || harry lewis

45

fourty-five

Was I being selfish for feeling relaxed the first time in months, waking up next to a man? Was I being a horrible person for not thinking about Harrison after opening my eyes and not seeing him next to me? Was I wrong for preparing breakfast for Harry and not being sad about my recent break up?

As much as I tried to feel some kind of regret about letting Harrison go, I couldn't. I saw Harry at the table, a smile on his face and his phone in his hands, but his eyes on me. I just couldn't bring myself to think about Harrison because as soon as I looked at the man in front of me, all thoughts went to him. To the fact that he had grown out his hair a little. The facial hair which I used to hate because it made him look unclean, which I now appreciated. The oversized hoodie and those weird pyjama bottoms he always wore. I could point out every little thing that had and hadn't changed about him.

"How did you sleep?" I looked up from the pan whilst putting some scrambled egg on his plate. "What?" He raised his eyebrow and chuckled a little. "How did you sleep?" I was caught off guard by that silly little question. Quickly putting some eggs on my plate, I turned around to put the pan back on the stove whilst answering. "Good. Dreamless, but good." Spinning around I saw Harry staring at me, not even once looking at the food in front of him. "Are you alright?" Making my way back up to the table, I sat down in front of him. "Are you not hungry?" He furrowed his eyebrows, my eyes flickering from his food back to his face. "What?" I shrugged. "You didn't touch your food." He gave me a confused expression before picking up his fork. "Yeah, I'm waiting for you. Isn't that like, normal?"

I felt a small smile make its way up on my face. "Right, yeah, sorry." Actually, it wasn't. I was used to Harrison starting to eat before I got to the table, if we ever ate together. He was in a hurry most of the mornings, having a busy schedule for the day. "What's the plan for today?" I looked at him whilst we started eating. "Uh, three more sidemen shoots and a podcast episode. I should be done at around 5." I nodded, my heart dropping a little. I forgot that he as well had a busy schedule. Not as bad as Harrison's though. But with Harry being at the airport yesterday, I was thinking he had taken some time
off. I had about three weeks off before my next shoot, so I thought Harry and I could spend some quality time together. "What about you?"

I got ripped out of my thoughts and for a second was about to lie. But that's when it hit me, each time I lied, trying to please someone else, it turned into a disaster. "I thought you took some time off? Weren't you about to fly to New Zeland yesterday?" His eyes grew a little and he dropped his fork. "Yeah, well, shit, yeah, this is going to be embarrassing." I furrowed my eyebrows. "Was hoping you wouldn't ask about it." He chuckled a little, quickly taking a sip of the tea standing in front of him.

"I was going to just miss the shoots to be honest. A few red cards more don't matter." I was confused at his words. He never missed a shoot, at least not when he was able to choose from going to or missing it. "Why's that?" He shrugged, looking everywhere but me. "Fuck." He gave me a nervous chuckle. "After you send me that message, I didn't think it would be good news. And the first thing thag popped into my mind was; leave. Childish, really, but better than getting my heart broken again."

I felt a knot inside my stomach and looked at him. After some seconds he finally met my eyes and I could see the pain our breakup caused both of us. "You can still leave. I won't blame you. You deserve this vacation." He gave me a small smile, nodding. "You know, I'd much rather use those three weeks working on whatever it was that made us break up." The knot inside of me disappeared and was replaced by a different feeling. "No, most definitely not, Harry. You deserve this. I won't let you miss it just because it took me that long to realise that I want you." His eyes started sparking a little and he quickly picked up his phone. "And I could just meet you in your last week. I have a shoot over there any way." He lifted his head whilst turning his phone over, showing me his screen. "Guess I'll have to stay a week longer then."

My heart skipped a beat at what I was seeing on his phone. He booked a flight for him and I. To join him tomorrow, flying to New Zeland. That was one of the reasons why I've missed him. How spontaneous he was. The things he did to make me feel loved. Giving me the feeling that no matter what he was planning, I wouldn't feel left out. He cared for people.

Harry was that kind of person that would stand in the pouring rain, outside the club with you, whenever you felt overwhelmed.

He'd ask you if you wanted to go golfing with him and his mates just so yoh wouldn't be alone.

He's that kind of person that would stay home rather than going out to a pub, so you could spend a relaxing night at home.

And he would never even think about mentioning it again. If you tried to tell him that you're alright, that he shouldn't change his plans because of you, he'd act as if those were his plans all along. He never wanted you to feel like a burden. He was that kind of person that made you feel loved just by the way he cared. I never thought his love language was physical touch or anything like that. But now I realised what it was. It was making the other person happy, no matter the cost.

"How about this. We'll go to the shoots together, you can see the guys again, and after that we go out for dinner?" I nodded, still looking for any words that could show him how grateful I was. "Harry, I." He stopped me by grabbing my hand and placing a kiss on the top of it. "I swear to god, Joan. Just come, that's enough." I nodded, wrapping my hand tighter around his. "I missed you." He grinned, nodding. "I know." I let out a small chuckle, ripping my hand out of his. "I missed you too, love." He took my hand back and started stroking over its back with his thumb. "More than words can describe."