𝐖𝐀𝐈𝐓𝐈𝐍𝐆 𝐅𝐎𝐑 𝐘𝐎𝐔 - J.G X READER -

𝐅𝐎𝐔𝐑 - hopeless.

- ʏ/ɴ ᴘᴏᴠ -

𝐊𝐍𝐎𝐂𝐊 𝐊𝐍𝐎𝐂𝐊 𝐊𝐍𝐎𝐂𝐊...I hear it almost everyday, it's been three days since my last 'flashback.' I don't like to see myself as a victim, but everyone treats me as if I am one. That I'm fragile, that I'm weak, or that I need babysitting. That's what comes with growing up in a home that doesn't give you love. You sort of just lean back and watch the friends you have disappear because of your isolation.

I don't know what's love, i'm totally oblivious to how it works, or how it happens. Although, I do know I'm in love with Johnnie. I know I said I don't know how it works, but I'm not talking about the word entirely. I'm talking about how to love someone, kisses? Hugs? Gifts? How does it all work? How am I suppose to love someone so deeply, when I don't know how? How do I show my love?

"Y/n? it's Johnnie not Layla, can I come in?" I heard him speak from outside the door and my heart wrenched for him but I didn't say anything. I suppose he took It upon himself to come in because he walked in and sat on my bed. "You might be busy or something but I wanted to know if you wanted to hang out together," I felt this fatigue wash over me and I mumbled a sure. "You haven't eaten, you haven't drank anything, it's been three days."

"I know." I spoke nonchalantly, without a hint of sorrow, or pain, or anger in my voice. I felt so tired, it felt like my heart was ripped outside of my chest and I couldn't feel anything. Like there's a big giant hole inside my chest, and nothing fills it. Everytime this happens, I push everyone away, I completely push them out of my mind and out of my heart. Which ends up in fights, loss, and they ask me questions I don't even know how to answer.

'Why are you like this?'

'I miss the old you.'

"I guess we're just going to sit here then," I watched him crawl up my bed, and he spirals his arms and legs beside me, leaving barely any room on my side. I decided not to say anything, and just let him do whatever he wants. With each move he made, I could hear his chains clicking. "Sorry I'm moving so much, your bed is uncomfortable." He spoke as if he was interpreting my thoughts.

"Then leave. You don't have to be here with me, I already said that." I was originally laying on my back, but I turned around and lifted the covers over my ears. I only could imagine what he'd say next, 'I can't believe you, I'm trying to help you' or 'stop being selfish.' I get it, I get all of it. I just hate when people treat me as if I'm an unfixable mess, and I don't want someone to fix me.

I just want to be alone.

"You were there for me the day my dad passed, you were there for me when I wanted to pursue YouTube, you believed in me. All those endless crying nights, you were there for me. When Alex broke up with me, you were there for me. The only time you've ever let me help you was the night your dad smashed that bottle over your head. I'm guessing you still have flashbacks of that night, because that was the day you were free from him, the police took him that day and I sat there and held your hand while you cried. You help everyone else, and you let nobody help you. I'll be downstairs waiting for you when you want to talk." He spoke so kindly and gentle to me, it was almost as if all my walls shattered into a million pieces.

He got up to leave and my mind screamed at me to not let him leave. I got up off my bed, and grabbed him before he even left out of my room. I spun him around, and gave him the most tightest embrace. I felt very happy as I stood there hugging him, I felt sparks dancing across the room, and I felt like my stomach was dancing. I needed to hear that, it was like a reality q tip helping Information get shoved in my brain to make me understand things a bit better. "Johnnie I love you."

He hugs me even tighter, and starts to rub circles along my back. "I love you to. A lot," He whispers into my ear and I was embarrassed, but I didn't want the moment to end. I pulled back a bit and we were both looking at each other with such certainty, and passion. "Can I? Maybe, well you don't have to if you don't want to, but maybe do you wanna? Yknow?"

I suppose he knew what I was trying to communicate, because he used one of his hands to grab my waist, slowly pulling us closer together, and his other hand rested upon the side of my cheek. I closed my eyes, waiting to feel his lips on mine. I heard a loud slam and I scattered off of Johnnie and he looked extremely confused. I was looking at Layla, who looked shocked for a moment, but looked at the both of us with a smug smirk.

"I was just checking to see if you guys were okay, but I guess you guys are more then comfortable with one another. Don't let me stop you." She waves her hand and she closes the door. The air was more thicker and tense then it was before. I rubbed my palms together in hopes that'll brush off my anxiety. Though it did work, my anxiety just kept rising, because neither me or Johnnie were saying anything.

"We could go for a walk." He suggested, and I looked at him and nodded with a smile.

'Johnnie guilbert,

I love you.'