Exceeding You

Chapter 4

Chapter Four
#EY04

"You have something to say," Alpas said.

Kanina pa kami nag-order at nagsimulang kumain pero sobrang tahimik namin. Napansin niya ang pagbalik-balik ko siguro ng tingin sa kaniya. Aside from thinking na bakit ba ako napunta rito kasama niya when I was just so mad and irritated at him a few days ago, mas marami pa ring bumabagabag sa akin.

"Like the last time, I'll ask you something serious and you'll give me a serious answer too."

He scoffed. "Matino naman talaga akong kausap, Rishven. Hindi ko lang alam kung ano bang tingin mo sa akin."

"I honestly thought wala kang kwentang kausap," diretsa kong sagot sa kaniya. E 'yon naman talaga ang una kong akala. Mukha siyang hindi ako seseryosohin.

"Ouch," he laughed.

"But then good thing you're not. Kasi nakakahiya naman kung walang substance kausap yung hinayaan kong malamangan ako sa ranking, right?" I looked at him and the side of his lips curved upwards. "So. . . you think it's good to romanticize failures?"

His forehead creased. One thing I noticed about him is the way his forehead creases everytime he starts thinking.

"No," he answered.

"Why?"

"Because not all failures are blessings in disguise. There are failures that are just purely failures. You don't have to stop yourself from feeling the pain after failing. Kasi minsan you tend to invalidate your pain, you tend to skip it because you think something positive is going to arrive after it."

"Right!" I immediately responded. "And the more we think it would lead to a greater thing, the less we do something to improve and go beyond our current capabilities."

For example, when I lost to him after the first semester. Hindi ko inisip na okay lang yun. Na baka hindi talaga yun para sa akin. Rather, I recognized that failure to motivate myself to do better in order to exceed him.

Alpas chuckled. "Yes."

"Ikaw? You're from STEM. Do you plan on pursuing med school?" I asked. Well, he's smart. It's not impossible that he's thinking of entering that field.

Umiling siya. "I'm not a science guy. I'm more into math."

"Oh? So Engineering?" Hindi agad siya nakasagot sa tanong kong 'yon.

For a moment, I saw myself in him. His eyes flashed with uncertainty. And that's exactly what I'm feeling right now that's why I'm seeking validation from others, even from someone I barely know. From him, to be exact.

"Kung saan siguro yayaman," ngisi niya.

"Aren't you. . . you know. . . from an already well-off family?"

"No. Sakto lang. But not enough for me to pursue something that I won't be able to earn from as much as possible."

"So you'll set aside what you're passionate about because it may not conform to society's practicality?" I asked.

He shrugged and laughed. "I honestly don't know what I'm passionate about."

I nodded. "At least I'm not alone who's still unsure of the future."

"That's life."

"Thanks for the libre."

Pagkatapos namin kumain ay nagpaalam na agad ako sa kaniya. Nagpasundo ako sa driver doon sa café mismo. I hate to admit it but I enjoyed talking to him. He's full of wisdom. Sobrang may sense kausap. However, it's not enough for me to treat him as a friend. We're just. . . I don't know. We just know each other. That's all.