again | taylor swift au

chapter 14

As the next few weeks go by, Taylor and Casey settle into a routine. He teaches during the day. She works at the coffee shop or spends time in the studio. And a few nights a week, they'll steal some time together, whether that's dinner at a restaurant or cuddles at one of their apartments. It's really great- Taylor's really happy. As fast as it may be, she feels herself falling in love. It's exhilarating and totally different than it ever felt with Jett.

With Jett, everything was exciting. It was risky and the thrill came from the danger of it all. It was rebellious, it was touch-and-go, it was rock and roll. And when she was in it, she loved every minute of it. It's not something that she is going to pretend she didn't enjoy. Only when she looked back on it was she able to realize just how unhealthy it all was. When she was broken, a pile of skin and bones collapsed on the ground, fervently trying to claw her way back up into the person she used to be.

With Casey, it's like her whole world has been flipped upside down. It all feels like a breath of fresh air. Upon feeling his touch, she feels calm. She wants him to meet her family, she wants to tell everyone about their relationship. Not only does she not want to keep secrets but she doesn't feel like she has to, just to ensure that they work out. She isn't scared of how hard she's falling, how fast it's all moving. Even when she's up late at night, thinking really hard about it, she can't find anything to overanalyze with it. She can't find any reason to be afraid.

She always thought that what she had with Jett was an adult relationship. Maybe she was wrong. Maybe a real adult relationship looks like what she has with Casey. Maybe the maturity doesn't come from the drama, but the lack thereof. Jett was the first time that she was able to make her own decisions. But she wonders if she chose it because she was doing what she truly wanted to do, or if she was doing things... simply because she could. To assert her dominance and, in a way, to stick it to her parents... without even knowing that that was what she was doing.

She grimaces at the mere thought of it. Maybe, for the sake of her own mental health, that's a question that's better left unanswered.

She wishes with all of her heart that she could cut Jett out of her life. Out of her mind. But she just can't seem to do that. He comes back in memories, haunting her mind at the worst of times. And somehow, sometimes, it even manages to be more than that.

Like the day that she gets a call from Anthony, who doesn't sound too thrilled to be talking to her.

"Hey, what's up?" Taylor answers the phone.

"Hey, Taylor..." Anthony says on the other end of the line. "Listen. I've got a question for you, and I think I already know the answer to it... I know it isn't a question you're going to like, but as your manager, I'm obligated to ask you. Both morally and contractually, I have to have this discussion with you."

Taylor feels a knot forming in her stomach. Nothing good ever comes out of a lead up like that one. She closes her eyes and takes a deep breath, trying to prepare herself for the worst. With the hand that isn't gripping her phone, she anxiously plays with the fringe along the edge of the blanket that's covering her legs as she sits on her living room sofa. "Okay. What's up?"

"You remember Suzanne, right? The tour manager for The Unprompted?"

The singer's heart drops. The two words she didn't want to hear in this phone call. Or really ever in life. The Unprompted.

Jett's band.

"Oh god," Taylor groans. She bites her lip. Suzanne and Anthony were the pair that collaborated to get Taylor the job selling merchandise on the band's last tour. She doesn't want to come across as ungrateful. As badly as it turned out, the gig got her some experience in the industry. And the personal experiences from it... though she wishes she could leave them behind her, she doesn't wish she could undo them. The art that came out of it, her Red album... it's something that she's truly proud of. She doesn't want to erase that. So, she says, "Sorry. Suzanne is great... it's just... the band... one member of the band..."