𝐛𝐚𝐥𝐥𝐚𝐝 𝐨𝐟 𝐚 𝐡𝐨𝐦𝐞𝐬𝐜𝐡𝐨𝐨𝐥𝐞𝐝 𝐛𝐨𝐲 - 𝘢𝘯 𝘳𝘫 𝘢𝘶

17. chaotic

2:46 PM

"Mom, Dad, I'm home." I walked inside the house with Nat. Half the house was empty.

It's not usually this quiet. There's always some ambiance. There's be the sounds of the steam hissing when Mom was cooking, or Dad lawn mowing the front grass.

Silence can be like a blank page waiting for words, or an empty stage waiting for a performance. It's a space that begs to be filled, much like the void left by a lover moving away unexpectedly. It's the absence of sound that can echo the loudest, just as the absence of a loved one can create the most profound sense of longing. It can drive you crazy because it's a reminder of what's missing, a void that you want to fill but can't. It's like a song that's unfinished, waiting for the next verse to be written.

But here, there are no lyrics.

It's just...

quiet.

All you could hear was the keys jangling as I dropped them off the counter. A bunch of bottles of beer were on the floor, either smashed or spilled on the floor.

It smelled like a bunch of alcohol and smoke. Nat kept choking on the toxic air in the room. "Mom? Dad?" I yelled aloud.

What...happened?

I furrowed my eyebrows as I saw all of the cigarettes on the deck. This place was a fucking bar. Beer was spilt all over the place. "Dad! Mom!" I walked upstairs. The only clean places in our house was my room and Nat's.

I walked into Dad and Mom's room, and I see Dad on the bed completely wasted. "Dad? What happened here? Are you okay?" I took the beer bottle from him. "Where's Mom?"

"She left."

"Left?" My voice was starting to shake. "Where?"

"Massachusetts,"

She did it.

She did her plan, but erased Nat out of the whole situation. And she didn't tell us.

She didn't tell me.

12:24 AM

I'm a mess. Want a little context on the chaotic events that have happened over the past ten hours?

First, I screamed at Dad. Really loud. I don't scream. I don't rage. I was mad.

3:06 PM • Yesterday

"So you just let her leave like that? What the fuck? Why didn't she tell me and Nat? And you're sitting here all drunk? Like how are we gonna live with you if you aren't gonna be responsible!"

Rule 36: A parent must always be responsible for their kids, no matter how shit their lives are. That shows how much they care

"Ricky! She left overnight-"

"And? AND? What am I gonna fucking tell Nat-"

12:25 PM

That's all I can remember of it, the rest was a blur. The rest I was fucking crying. I also called Mom!

4:49 PM • Yesterday

"Mom?"

"Hey, Ricky, what happened, hon?"

"Really? Cut the bullshit, Lynne, you left us? All the way to fucking Massachusetts?"

12:25 PM

The rest was her speaking a bunch of bullshit of how her and Dad have been trying.

If they loved us, they would be trying. That's the truth.

Then, I called Nini, but she wasn't available.

And I called EJ.

But it wasn't what I wanted to hear.

6:24 PM • Yesterday

"Ricky?" I heard EJ's soothing voice over the phone.

"EJ, EJ, oh fuck, I can't do this, oh my god."

"Baby, breathe, what's wrong?" he asked.

"My mom fucking LEFT she LEFT! She left NAT and she left ME!"

"It's gonna be okay-"

12:26 PM

But was it? I don't wanna hear that right now! I don't wanna hear this bullshit that one day, everything's gonna be fine because nothing is ever gonna be fine.

Then, I got drunk.

Really bad.

Nat told me I passed out.

I'm on the bed and I've been staring at the wall for three hours. My eyes are bloodshot red. My hair is messy from when I was drunk and mad, I started screaming and pulling my hair really hard. My lungs hurt. The bandage from my foot fell off, so I was bleeding for one hour straight, but now I'm okay. Just stains here and there, but I can't even speak at this point. I'm tired.

I'm tired.

Nobody said change would be exhausting. I don't even wanna do this.

And then someone was knocking on my window. EJ. That was the only person it could be, because nobody else knocks on my window other than him.

"Window's opened," I said. He opened the window and closed it.

"Woah, um, Ricky, what happened?" he rushed over to me and sat down in front of me.

I don't think in my life, I've ever just bursted out in tears outta nowhere. I don't think people even do that. Like, that's some shit in books or movies. But here, right when he asked, I started crying. So much.

My tears flooded my face as he lifted my chin and gave me a soft kiss, then a hug. "I can't fuck-fucking do this-" I rested my head into his chest. We fell on the floor, and we were just laying down. I was letting out my cries, as he stroked on my hair and gave me kisses on my forehead.

1:33 PM

I was laying down with EJ on the bed, just quiet. We were just deep in our feelings together. Just thinking.

Thinking about each other.

"Are you okay, Ri?" he asked.

No.

"Yeah, with you, I am." I gave him a kiss. I need to stop trauma-dumping on EJ. "I'm just tired,"

"Go to bed, I'll be with you." he said. I smiled at him and gave him another kiss. I felt safe knowing he was sleeping with me. I love EJ.

A lot.

He's truly the best.