𝐛𝐚𝐥𝐥𝐚𝐝 𝐨𝐟 𝐚 𝐡𝐨𝐦𝐞𝐬𝐜𝐡𝐨𝐨𝐥𝐞𝐝 𝐛𝐨𝐲 - 𝘢𝘯 𝘳𝘫 𝘢𝘶

23. i'm sorry

6:21 PM

I buttoned up my flannel shirt, and looked in the mirror.

God, I wish EJ Caswell wasn't a dickhead.

I heard the doorbell ring. He's already here?

Well of course he is, he's always early to classes. He's probably early to dinners.

I sighed as I took off the flannel shirt and replaced it with a black hoodie. I don't think I need to be that fancy.

If he just wants to get this relationship over with, fine! We'll get it over with.

I walked downstairs and opened the door to see EJ in a buttoned up shirt, and black jeans. Of course he's dressing up fancy, and of course he looks hot doing so. "Hey, Ricky." he smiled. I scanned him. His body movement. To see how a liar acts.

"Hi," I lightly spoke. I let him inside, to where he took off his shoes. I felt discomfort when he lent me a kiss on the cheek. You would too if you felt betrayed.

I should've listened to the rules.

"Are you okay?" That's such a funny thing about EJ. He's even worse than Thiago. Fuck, even Thiago was trying to warn me!

I'm so fucking blind.

"Mhm," I plastered a fake smile so he couldn't read me. I led him to the living room, where Nat was sitting. Dad was in the kitchen, cooking some "gourmet" pasta. I put the quotes because he doesn't know how to cook.

"Hey EJ." Nat smiled at him. She waved and then put her eyes back at the phone. She was texting someone. She's been talking to someone.

Probably a friend.

"Hey Nat." he looked at my dad and said, "hi Mr. Bowen."

"No, no, EJ, you can call me Mike." He shook EJ's hand and went back to cooking.

"No, you can call him Mr. Bowen." I joked. He raised his eyebrow at me, but still kept a smile on his face.

"No, Ricky! It's fine, it's fine." Dad said. I left it alone and sat on the table. Why was Nat so invested in her phone? I guess it's like a fourteen year-old type of thing.

"Nat! Get off your phone! It's dinner time," I said. Nat rolled her eyes. "Nat!"

"Okay! Wait, wait, let me just send one more message." She then put her phone in her pocket and proceeded to sit on the dinner table with me, EJ and Dad. "So how did you and Ricky get together?"

"Nat-"

"No, it's fine, Mike. Um, we just started hanging out and gradually-"

"No, no, I think you got it wrong," I pinched his cheeks out of pity and started eating the pasta. "We met on the first day of school in which you bullied me."

"Which is in the past." He emphasized the last word.

"Yes! Of course, but we should still imply it. We started hanging out and then we became friends with benefits? And then we started catching feelings. Wow! That explanation sounds kinda short, as if we're being rushed!"

"Ricky, what are you talking about?" Is he serious? If he wants to play this game where he plays with me, why not do the same?

"Well, I mean, we've been together almost a month? Right? We haven't even had a first date, like you told me you loved me, but I know you don't because if you loved me, you and I would be doing other things rather than sucking off our dicks." I said, trying to sound enthusiastic as those words escaped my mouth. EJ furrowed his eyebrows. Nat and Dad were just silent.

"So? Isn't this kinda a date?" EJ asked. God, he's so stupid. I'm so stupid.

"No, Elton, actually it's not. This is you meeting my dad. Wait? Oh yeah! We're already doing that too! So around this time, you're gonna cheat on me with some other girl or guy, break up with me, and revert back to your old self!"

"Ricky, you're overthinking it-"

"No! Don't f-f-fucking say that! Don't fucking tell me that I've been overthinking this bullshit, huh? You did this with Gina. You probably did this with your other exes. You're trying to do this with me? That's what everyone was warning me about! Oh my gosh!" I scoffed, realizing how naive I've been the entire time.

"I was never trying to do that? I love you , Ricky." EJ looked me sincerely. Those eyes...

They were the same eyes as to when I met him.

Full of nothing.

"No, no, you don't. You don't love me." I stood up from my chair. "You can't love anyone, 'cause that would mean you had a heart." I clenched my jaw, trying not to break my voice in between those sentences.

"Ricky, can we talk? Like upstairs?" He was right. We needed to talk. Doing this in front of my sister and my dad was a bad idea.

"Yeah,"

6:42 PM

EJ and I were just in silence. We were both thinking different things, same subject tough. "You're getting the wrong idea, Ri." he said, trying to defend himself.

"I don't think I am. I think I'm getting it. I'm connecting the pieces. First, Nini told me you were gonna break me, but I didn't listen because it was just Nini. Then it was Gina, and then Thiago-"

"You can't even trust Thiago, Ricky! Be fucking for real!"

"Really? Because right now, I can trust him more than you." I walked up to him and looked him dead in the eye. "You know, if you wanted to use me for sex in the first place, you should've said so, but don't ever fool me into thinking you were in love with me." My voice quivered.

How could someone be so heartless?

"Ricky," Tears streamed down my eyes as he said my name in such sweetness. He put a hand to my cheek, wiping down the tears that fell. "I would never do that to you. And maybe my last relationships have left you skeptical of our love, but you...you changed me."

"No, no, don't do that. D-Don't make me change my mind." I know I'm mad. I am mad. Yet, I still dig my head into his sweater. I miss this EJ.

Back when it made sense.

I cried into his fucking shoulder like a baby. I was supposed to yell at him, break up with him, and never talk to him.

Why am I like this.

"No, no, no, I can't. I can't be with you." I cried. I hit my head into his chest, and all he did was keep his hands in my hair and shushed me. "Stop, stop, stop! No! Stop it! I can't EJ, I can't do it. I can't, I'm sorry. I love you. I'm sorry." I rambled.

"I know, I know. I'm sorry, Ricky." he kissed my forehead, and let go of me. "I'm sorry."

He then walked towards the door. "Please, please don't leave me." I pleaded. "Please." He was the one who was supposed to cry tonight, and now it's me.

"It's okay, Ricky." He gave me one more final kiss on the cheek and opened the door.

Leaving me in the room.

Back to square one.