𝐋𝐀𝐒𝐓 𝐖𝐎𝐑𝐃𝐒 -ᴊ.ɢ x ʀᴇᴀᴅᴇʀ-

Prologue - 𝐅𝐈𝐑𝐒𝐓 𝐖𝐎𝐑𝐃𝐒 (1)

𝐌𝐘 𝐅𝐈𝐑𝐒𝐓 𝐖𝐎𝐑𝐃𝐒 𝐓𝐎 𝐇𝐈𝐌 𝐖𝐀𝐒...something totally cliche and embarrassing. "Sorry." Though it isn't as bad as people would think, but that night I was as drunk as a skunk. We had bumped into each other on a emo cruise, and from there on we sort of just clicked. I have known this guy, Johnnie Guilbert, for a total of three years. We had developed an ever growing friendship since day one.

But this is a more then just some girl who fell in love, this is a story about how I died. This isn't the sad story everyone hears, the sad story about a girl that committed suicide at the end of the play. No, this story is about a girl who was in pain —for a lot of years— A story about how I almost overcame my depression. If I could travel back in time, I wouldn't change anything.

I would still do everything in repeat.

If I had the chance.

If I'm going to tell my story properly I should start off with what caused my suicide. Poor was my upbringing, my family spent all their money on useless things like cigarettes, or liquor. I had to work my ass off for money to buy simple necessities like water, bills, clothing, and food. By the time I was old enough to drive, I had got my first car and I moved to LA and bought a simple apartment.

I started a YouTube channel, that changed my life —for better or for worse— I had over ten million subscribers. I had pursued in makeup, vlogs, or random crazy stunts. I did a lot of parkour, and people seemed to love it. The thing was, nobody had knew anything about me, they just saw that they believed they saw. Rumours, lies, had spread the internet daily.

They would come up with these crazy stories about my background. Even though I had gotten use to the negativity, I'm still human, and it hurts just as much as a regular civilian would hurt if they were told they were a prostitute, or a druggie. People thought that I wasn't human, or that I don't have feelings just because I'm a YouTuber, and have skyrocketed in subscribers.

I hadn't told a single soul about how I felt, including Johnnie. He would tell me his issues, and I'd help him in every way that I could. I didn't let anybody know, and I don't hold that against anyone that was in my life. I kept my problems hidden for a number of reasons, I felt hopeless, alone, and mostly afraid. I didn't want people to see how I was really doing, I wanted to keep up with the persona of that 'enthusiastic girl on YouTube'

I don't blame him, and I don't blame my subscribers for not noticing. I hid it well, maybe even too well with the amount of pain I was in. I loved Johnnie, and I'll always love him, he helped me without even realizing it. All this pain, all this anger, flushed away by his presence. He was the love of my life.

So I made a plan,

10 days,

10 possibilities,

10 possible outcomes.

I would give myself 10 days to live my life to the fullest, so on that horrific last day —the 10th day— I could determine my suicide. I would look for hope within that ten days, and if I found something to stay for, I would get help. If things got worse, then that was going to be my last day.

I understand that the 10-day countdown to my birthday carried a deeper meaning for me. It symbolized the same age as Johnnie and the impending reality of my mortality. During those days, I tried to find solace in simple activities like getting up, showering, eating, and watching TV, hoping to distract myself from the overwhelming thoughts and emotions that surrounded me.