𝐋𝐀𝐒𝐓 𝐖𝐎𝐑𝐃𝐒 -ᴊ.ɢ x ʀᴇᴀᴅᴇʀ-

𝐃𝐀𝐘 𝐅𝐈𝐕𝐄

𝐏𝐄𝐄𝐑𝐈𝐍𝐆 𝐎𝐕𝐄𝐑 𝐓𝐇𝐄 𝐄𝐃𝐆𝐄...That day I was going to jump. I was determined to, I felt the freezing air pierce at my body like pins and needles, the breeze moving my hair around in crazy positions. I focused on how far the jump was, every bone in my body would break, my mind knew this and it was signalling to my muscles to stiffen. My feet dangling off the bridge, but all I could feel was comfort as I was slowly starting to let go.

I was going to let go.

But then it happened, out of nowhere. Someone forcefully grabbed me from the ledge, slamming my body onto the hard concrete floor. The rocks embedded in my skin as I desperately tried to break free from their grasp. Suddenly, I heard an older man's voice behind me saying, "Ma'am, calm down," while he firmly held my arms behind my back. His gruff voice gave away that he was a police officer. I mentally cursed at myself, I had went to an isolated bridge so this wouldn't happen. "You have the right to remain silent, so fucking use it."

"Let me go, legally you can't do this," I start to struggle, so he holds me down more rougher and three more police officers come over and handcuff me. This is how they handled mental health, and this is why I keep my problems to myself. They brought me back up to my feet and started to push me Into the back of a police car. The door slammed and the three police officers talk from a near distance. "Pricks." I mumble out as they stared me down and talked to one another.

That day, it felt like an eternity as I sat in that car, waiting and waiting. Hours passed before a police officer finally arrived, informing me that I was free to leave. The whole ordeal felt so unnecessary, and the irony of it all was not lost on me. As I stepped out of the car, I couldn't help but feel a mix of relief, frustration, and disbelief. I wanted nothing more than to put some distance between myself and the situation, so I walked quietly down the sidewalk, trying to process everything that had just happened.

I pondered the various paths I could take, each one carrying its own weight. One option was to retreat to the safety of my home, pretending that the unsettling incident never occurred. Another choice was to seek solace in the distraction of a meal, attempting to divert my thoughts for the remainder of the day. However, there was a part of me that yearned for the comfort of Johnnie's presence.

Despite the overwhelming nature of what had transpired, I couldn't bear the thought of burdening him with the gruesome details. So, I made the decision to go to his house, putting on a facade of normalcy, hoping that the familiarity and warmth of his company would provide some respite from the chaos swirling within me.

Gathering every ounce of courage within me, I took the first step towards his house. The mere thirty-minute walk felt like an eternity, not because of the physical distance, but because of the overwhelming emotions that consumed me. Standing outside his door, a whirlwind of thoughts raced through my mind. Doubts crept in, tempting me to turn back and go home for the night. But I pushed those thoughts aside, determined to seek some sort of comfort in his presence.

With trembling hands, I mustered the strength to knock on the door, my heart pounding in my chest. And in that moment, as Jake opened the door, I stood there awkwardly for a moment. "Hey is Johnnie around?" He nodded his head and let me inside of his home. He told me to wait on the couch so I complied, sitting on the couch, my mind still racing from the events that happened earlier. Everything happened so fast I had hardly enough time to breath and calm down.

"is everything okay?" Johnnie had come in and asked, I nodded my head. He must've noticed my odd behaviour before he even came in the room. "Did something happen." I bit my lip and hesitantly nod at his question. I felt like a burden as I sat there, what gave me the right to come to his house and dump all my problems on him like this. "Talk to me." He eagerly asked and something happen inside of me, like a switch turning off.

I stopped feeling everything and faked a joyous attitude. "Hah got you!" I spoke boldly and he sighs and rolls his eyes at me. We laughed but inside of my mind I was crying and pleading for someone to see through me, to see what was really going on. I know I can't expect someone to just know, but I didn't have the courage myself to tell him what had just happened.

I had used all my courage to even come here, maybe even coming here was pointless. Though that isn't completely true because I'm feeling a tad bit better sitting here with Johnnie. He makes me feel at peace, he makes me feel like I'm home whenever he's around. He's the light at the end of the tunnel everyone talks about.

Though I can't brush out of my mind that I had almost committed earlier then the original plan. Ten days that was the deal, I reminded myself. I couldn't even explain to myself as to why I was going to do it, I just felt so pent up with emotion and it overflowed. My emotions led me to that bridge and I was so close to jumping. I'm sitting here and laughing but little does he know that I almost died a few hours prior. It's ironic how easily I could fool someone into believing everything is okay.

After something so traumatic, so hectic, how am I able to keep a laughing facade, how am I still here Why am I still here?

I almost died,

And yet no one knows.