Little Dreamies

Last time

Renjun put his hands in front of him, feeling the metal cuffs on his skin. He knew Taeyong was on his way and that scared him. Last time he was here, he had promised that it would be the last time officially. But he got angry. Just like he had the last three times.

"I'm here for Lee Renjun" Lola walked in instead. Renjun looked up when he heard her. He had expected Taeyong to be getting him, not Lola.

"Eomma, I am so sorry. I....shit, I can't even tell you why I did it. I don't even know. It's stupid" Renjun brushed a hand over his eyes, walking to Lola as soon as he was let out.

"Shh, sweet boy. We'll get through this and talk about it later. Your going to be okay" Lola held him close, letting her son cry as much as he needed to. Once the tears had run out, they went out to the car and drove home. It was quiet.

"Is he mad?" Renjun didn't clarify who he was talking about and he didn't need to.

"I won't lie to you and I'm sure you can guess what the answer is going to be. This is the fourth time you've gotten in a fight, the third time you've been arrested for fighting. It seems to me that your making a habit of this" Lola lectured. Renjun didn't argue with her. There was nothing he could say that would change how true her statement was. When they walked in, only Taeyong was there. Mark had found out what happened and took the others out so they couldn't witness what was about to happen.

"Why don't you go on to your room?" Lola could see that Taeyong was still angry and she didn't want her boyfriend to talk to Renjun until they were both completely calm.

"He doesn't need to. I'm fine. Little boy, come here" Taeyong stood up off the couch. Renjun hated that name but he knew better than to say this or disobey Taeyong. Keeping his head down, more out of shame than anything else, he walked over and stood in front of his dad. The man who had taken him in and who Renjun had repaid with nothing but trouble for years.

"Look at me" Taeyong ordered. Renjun couldn't bring himself to do it. Hot tears filled his eyes, burning him with shame.

"Look. At. Me" Taeyong said more slowly and Renjun did so this time. He almost wished he hadn't when he saw the anger and disappointment in Taeyong's eyes.

"Let me see your hands" Taeyong's voice was more gentle this time. Renjun did what he wanted, wincing when Taeyong touched the cracked skin around his fingers.

"Please, don't worry. It doesn't hurt" That was a lie but Renjun could see the worry in Taeyong's face and he didn't want his dad to be worried or upset.

"I am worried. This is happening too often, Lee Renjun. What is up with you? Why are you doing this?" Taeyong wondered. He needed, wanted, to know what was Renjun thinking? Why was this happening so much?

"I don't know, okay!? Why do you even care? I'm going to be eighteen in less than a few months and then you don't have to worry about me anymore!" Renjun didn't know why he said that but he had snapped. He didn't want to hear how worried Taeyong was or how much he had messed up. Instead, he only made things worse. Taeyong straightened up, no longer looking concerned. Renjun kept eye contact with him, fearing the worst of what happened next.

"Go to your room. I don't want to see you for the rest of the night" Taeyong spoke without thinking. Renjun cowered down like scared fox pup. Those words hurt but he deserved it, he told himself he did.

"Taeyong-" Lola tried to step in. Taeyong held a hand up to stop her.

"Go now. Don't make me say it a third time" Taeyong repeated with the same cold tone. Renjun glanced at Lola before going upstairs to hide. He lost track of the hours that he was up there. Not that it mattered. He would've stayed up there the rest of his life if it meant that Taeyong wouldn't be upset anymore. Jeno and Mark quietly entered the room, thinking Renjun was asleep, hours later and went to bed themselves. They had no idea that their middle brother was still awake and still crying. Renjun cried himself to sleep that night but it didn't last long. He got little sleep and told himself he deserved it. He didn't deserve to be able to rest knowing the panic and worry and hurt that he had caused. Not while knowing how much of a disappointment and screw up he was.

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Mark was standing over Renjun's bed the next morning when the younger boy woke up.

"Shit Mark! What are you doing? Are you trying to give me a heart attack?" Renjun clutched his shirt where his heart was as he sat up, glaring at Mark.

"Would that make last night never happen?" Mark wondered.

"No" Renjun spat out, the memory of his actions coming back to him.

"Then no I'm not. But you deserve a little scare for being such a dumbass" Mark shook his head. Renjun glared at him even more as he got up.

"You don't think I know how much I screwed up! I don't need you telling me!" Renjun pushed Mark onto the older's bed and left the room before Mark could say anything else.

"Where do you think your going?" Taeyong caught Renjun as he tried to leave.

"I don't know!" Renjun yelled. He just wanted to be left alone. To forget the events of last night had ever taken place.

"Sit down!" Taeyong had enough. He had no idea what to do anymore and he was losing his mind. Renjun scowled at him and sat down on the couch, crossing his arms. Haechan and Jaemin came down, eating from a bowl of popcorn and pretended to be busy. Renjun knew what they were doing but Taeyong didn't seem to be bothered by them being there. 

"You do realize that what you did last night was the worst ever. I've had enough, Renjun. This has gotten to the point where I don't even know if I can help you" Taeyong admitted, feeling bad as the words came out. Renjun caught on to what he was talking about. 

"Your sending me away?" He guessed, already knowing the answer.

"I don't know yet. I don't want to but you have to understand, Renjun, I've tried everything. Your not listening to what I say and you obviously need more help than I can give you" Taeyong responded. Renjun did understand but that didn't mean he was happy with what that meant. He didn't want to be sent away, he'd miss his brothers too much. 

"I understand" It took everything Renjun had to say those two words. His voice still caught in his throat, causing him to choke on his words. Taeyong's expression softened and he knelt down in front of the seventeen year old. 

"We can talk about it more later, okay? Nothing is final yet but I need time to think. Please trust that I will make the right decision that I think is best for you" Taeyong asked. Renjun managed a weak smile and nodded, tears falling down his face.

"I trust you appa" Renjun did understand. Despite his promises that this was the last time, he had said that before and Taeyong was finally realizing that this might be a real problem. Renjun had minor anger issues that Taeyong could not help him with. Renjun needed professional help to get through this and therapy had not worked because Taeyong had tried that already a year before. 

"Thank you, baby" Taeyong stood up, placing a kiss on his son's head.

"Is that it?" Renjun hoped that would be it. Taeyong gave him a sad smile. 

"No. Until a decision is made, your not to leave the house" Taeyong shook his head. Renjun couldn't argue, he knew that was probably going to happen and he deserved it. Taeyong was quite nervous about the idea of sending one of his kids away. It wouldn't be the first time, Jeno had spent half a year in China as a foreign exchange student and Jaemin and Haechan had been to Japan as foreign exchange students, but this was the first time that Taeyong wouldn't know when his kid would come back. 

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Mark-18
Renjun-17
Jeno-16
Haechan-15
Jaemin-14
Chenle-13
Jisung-12