Random love scenarios.

The Dangers Of Thoughts

Everyone has thoughts, like how else are you going to think? But They are a blessing and curse, they enable life but can also destroy it and take life easily if influenced wrongly. Thoughts haunt those that have done wrong and even torture those that have had wrong done to them. The danger of thoughts is something heavily overlooked in all.....


I sat down on the floor, the small pieces of gravel moved under my weight finding resting places as the weight of my slumped body hit them. The slow crunching of the rocks gave me a sigh, it was nice to hear your actions had a difference instead of being drowned in pressure and underappreciated since you cant do anything that makes a difference because you feel that useless. It's amusing to realise that people can only affect whats below them reaffirming my well known fact that I was at the bottom; and i deserved to be here. 'I dont have the power or influence or will to change anyone else. I just wanna sit here my skin getting sore from the cold while the hot air comes from my mouth and steams my glasses.' The dark orange started to appear in the sky as it faded into the mountains from being the golden yellow the sun always is.. The pungent burn of vodka seemed to ignite my throat as i took a swig, feeling as dangerous as the ominous glow that cast over my face. I relaxed, calmly taking yet another massive swig as i let the ethanol burn my throat as i lay down. Thoughts rushed into my head. 'Who are you? Why are you here? Why do you think that you can survive like this? Why are you so weak?' I let these happy thoughts flush over me. Life was indeed fun for someone at the bottom of the world just trying to get by. Being pushed to the edge and forming nothing but a simple job hurts a man. But something brings a man up. Love and Alcohol. Since i can't have the first i settled for the latter and swigged another gulp of vodka, the heat keeping me warm as my toes started to go cold as my fingers welded to the metal flask. This was life for me. Surrounded by the death of nature in the cold cold environment of my heart as i thought bout everything that could affect me. 

I must have sat there for an hour just drinking my flask and letting the cold try to affect me. The world had made me numb and i should never feel again. Its not what i plan and i shall never feel again. After all feeling is natural and my life is nothing near.  The clouds were a blanket under the stars, hiding me from the gods as i sat there wondering what to do. The ethanol running out and my patience was following. I threw my left arm behind my head, the centrifugal force moving my frozen blood to my fingertips, the heated blood causing pain in my fingers; though this was welcome. Pain meant i was alive against the odds and i was still proving people wrong. The fire orange of the sun faded into nothing but a slight hue of colour as the mountain swallowed up the metaphor of hope that religions have been using for years. I liked that..... Even something like hope, even something that is needed for humans to thrive disappears daily, even something that means that better is to come disappears every night and we wave it off with a smile. Imagine doing that to a individuals hope? Unless you're as broken as me than you wiped that thought as fast as possible, only broken people hope for others demise. Even more proof the whole world is broken. Fixing isn't an option but fighting nukes with nukes is the only way in this modern era. 

Or atleast i hoped. Big mistake. No matter how you fight the enemy will always be stronger. If you become cold and numb then the world simply tests that theory and pushes you through hell until you finally feel pain all over again. That pain for me was love. Or heartbreak, but it wasn't just my heart that broke. My whole life shattered when she left. I lost everything my reason for being born, my life, my reason to continue, reason to get up, my reason to try. My li9fe belonged to her; she realised, used it against me, laughed, smiled and left without a trace, only leaving my shallow heart to break apart and fall into the earth. With how much i lost to the earth hades must already have my soul waiting in that underworld. 'Remember her. Come on, Let's relive those days. Let's think about what we did wrong and how you could have fucked it up all over again. Let's think about how perfect life was with her. Let's think about the good times' (Voices in your head are a form of insanity, that is what everyone gets told at the age of 5 and you never forget until you realise that the voices that are making you "insane" are the very things barely keeping you in the cursed worlds amazing definition of "sane". They say everything has an opposite reaction well... Maybe its true). The screams from inside me brought up the endless nights i spent with her....

That diamond smile crushing any walls i have ever put up. The grasp pulling me closer and curing the deepest scars that engraved my skin with my lowly tale of life. The lips were softer than anything i could have ever hoped for. Completely different from all the other failed girlfriend i have had. But i couldn't force it. I couldn't keep it. It broke away and now i lie here wondering what i can do. And how i am going to afford the strong-ass alcohol I am drinking.