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matt,

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matt,

somehow, i thought you'd see it coming. but inevitably you never could. you probably thought i was going through something when i ignored you for that last week. i'm sorry that i assumed you could figure me out from a moment of weakness and silence. i feel so fucking stupid for packing my entire life away.

i'm sorry if you blame me, if i were you i would.

i'm sorry i always find things to mess up, i keep digging into already-deep holes.

i still haven't heard from nick or justin, or anyone else. but you said your mom always loved me. i don't know where that stands now, but i miss marylou endlessly.

i see my leaving as a whole series of fuck-ups. i don't think i'll ever be enough for anybody, especially my mom.

maybe i'm looking into it too much.

best,
etta

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