Read into My Heart

Chapter Twenty

Miranda did something that night after talking with her father that she hadn't done in a long time. She prayed. And not just a quick cry for help so that she would make the right decision. For hours Miranda stayed in her room, resolved that she would not leave it until she had heard an answer.

She knew there was a possibility that it would all be meaningless in the end. For she wasn't entirely certain that Alex would offer for her. He still hadn't shared his secret of being illiterate, and Miranda had a feeling that it was one reason why he never wanted to marry in the first place.

And so with all of these thoughts tumbling around in her head, Miranda paced her room, back and forth. Sometimes talking aloud to God, other times just talking to herself, trying to put some semblance of reasoning to the paths that laid before her. And even each of those paths had forks in them.

If Alex did decide to call and consequently propose, Miranda would still need to decide whether or not to accept. A part of her thought it was absolutely preposterous to refuse an Earl. She was still shocked that her father would even suggest it. Marrying Alex would solve all of their problems. Her reputation would be restored, and her parents saved from financial ruin.

Miranda would make up her mind that it was the obvious course to take, and yet something would hold her back. And so the wrestling would continue.

Alex did not call that day which shot a pang of doubt into Miranda's heart. As she laid in bed that night, her dinner tray untouched, tears spilled down her cheeks and onto her pillow. The thought of Alex not proposing and thus leaving her family to utter ruin, left Miranda in a state of complete dread. It was then she realized she was not strong enough to refuse Alex. She could not do what her father asked of her.

After a fitful sleep, Miranda woke the next day feeling exhausted. Although she had made her decision, she did not find peace in it. How could she live through the rest of her life watching her parents fighting to survive? And all because of her.

As she dressed for the day, Miranda tried to ignore the bags that hung below her eyes. She was hardly the darling debutante waiting for the attentions of her suitor. At this point, both her and Alex knew that a marriage between them was purely by obligation. How Miranda wished she could have known if Alex would have proposed under different circumstances. One where her reputation wasn't hanging by a single thread.

Pulled from her reverie by Bridget bringing in her breakfast tray, Miranda tried to muster a smile for the devoted servant, but feared it came across as more of a grimace.

Bridget "tsked" as she cleared away the untouched dinner tray but surprisingly didn't comment further. Miranda wouldn't be surprised if all the servants already knew what had transpired. They were probably all wondering if they would still have jobs by the end of next week.

"Bridget," Miranda said, "The Earl of Carlisle may come calling this morning, would you help me do something with my hair?"

Bridget stopped bustling around the room and came to stand behind her. As she started placing various pins into her hair, Bridget made eye contact with Miranda in the mirror. "Are you going to be acceptin' him then?"

Miranda looked away. "Yes," she replied. "It was like you said Bridget, love can only get you so far."

Bridget did not respond right away as she did the finishing touches to the coiffure. When she was finished, Bridget placed both hands on Miranda's shoulders. "I know what I said. But seein' you so miserable I realize now it's not about makin' ends meet. I know I could make a lot more servin' in another household, but do you know why I stay?"

Miranda shook her head as she didn't trust her voice to speak.

"Cause you and Mr. and Mrs. Edwards treat me as one of your own. Even if you didn't marry the Earl, I would follow you to the ends of the Earth."