Read into My Heart

Chapter Eight

"And I'll have you know sir that I am extremely well organized and have a lot of experience keeping records for a household."

Alex nodded his head numbly as he read through the applicant's references. The man sitting before him was in his early thirties and was the third interviewee of the day that Parkinson had set up for him to interview.

As far as Alex could tell, everything seemed in order. The young man had experience working in a large household and came with excellent references. But whenever Alex thought about looking someone in the eye and telling them of his impairment, and that they would be required to read everything out loud to him, his heart froze in fear.

Other than Parkinson and his mother, no one knew of his inability to read. It was another reason why he chose to hide away from the social season. What if someone discovered that the Earl of Carlisle couldn't read and spread it amongst society? Could his Earldom or Roseglen be taken away because of it? He wasn't sure but just the thought of being ridiculed amongst society was reason enough to hide away.

"Thank you Mr. Lawrence, I will contact you once I've made my decision," Alex said dismissing him.

Standing up from his chair, Mr. Lawrence bowed to him and then quietly left the room. When the door had shut, Alex heaved out a breath of air. He had never felt so trapped in his life. Parkinson needed to retire, but the possible repercussions of revealing his secret seemed too great. The memories of growing up as a child and having to hear from various doctors that he was "feeble-minded" or suffered from mental retardation still haunted him to this day.

Alex's mind went back to the previous day with his carriage ride with Miranda. He had never enjoyed himself more. If all young debutantes were as pleasant as Miranda, Alex would have found the social season much more palatable.

Leaning back in his armchair, he thought with chagrin about the student she was tutoring. Henry was his name? Alex smiled at Miranda's vivacity to help the boy. That she didn't think anything was wrong with him. It made Alex wonder if she would think the same of him.

Pushing away from his desk he walked over to the window to look out on the bustling streets of London. Was Miranda still thinking over his proposal? She may very well throw it back in his face, he had no doubt about that. But if she did happen to accept...Well, let's just say he knew that the season would be much more enjoyable.

Because of your mother no longer meddling, or because you get to spend more time with Miranda?

Alex chewed on the thought. It was no secret that he liked spending time with Miranda, but he refused to allow his feelings to go any further. His parents may have had a great marriage, but to fully put your heart on the line seemed unthinkable for Alex. Eventually, someone will only get hurt.

"And how was your interview with Mr. Lawrence my lord?"

At Parkinson's arrival, Alex pulled himself from his melancholy thoughts. "Yes, yes, he seemed quite capable," Alex said.

"And do you feel he would be understanding of your condition?" Parkinson pressed.

Alex tightened his jaw. That was the whole issue wasn't it? Alex never had to reveal his disability to anyone. His parents and Parkinson found out naturally through his childhood. Alex didn't know if he would be able to handle the ridicule or derision or worse, their pity. Heaving a sigh, he walked back over to his desk. Picking up a piece of paper, Alex tried to read the contents. If he were given enough time, he could slowly struggle through. But words that were similar usually got mixed up in his mind, like "left" and "felt".

Throwing down the missive in frustration, Alex sat down hard in his chair. Even if he tried to hide his condition from a new steward, it wouldn't be long before they figured out what was wrong. Running both hands through his hair, Alex attempted to keep his composure.