Life Imitates Art

Part 27 - Success?

My own home has never felt quite so foreign as right in this moment. The familiar front step to which I normally pay no special attention now has the aura of a witches' stake. I've never been burned to death but that's what I can sense. At least, something on that same catastrophic, life-ending level. The moment this is actually out in the open with my parents, anything could unfold. Nothing is off the table. Nothing is impossible from the moment they see what I really am - a crossdressing freak.

"OK. We'd best get this over with. Unless you're having second thoughts? I still have your boy clothes in the car if we need to disappear so you can change."

"If I don't do it now, it will never happen. I need them to know before they find out on their own."

"It will all be fine." Tessa walks just in front of me to block all view of my body behind hers. Even if Mum or Dad were looking out the window right now into our little slab-covered garden, nothing would look off to them.

"I'll go first. Do you want me to prime them for it?"

I shake my head. "No. We'll go in together. I need to face the fact that I don't want to hide this. It would be against my nature to accept that I am a crossdresser and then be too shy to actually embrace it. Molly was so proud of herself. I need that energy.

We step through the door and kick our shoes off. Tessa leads me into the living room by the hand as if I'm in trouble. But no one else is in.

"Mum! Dad! You guys home? We're back!"

A thudding of steps follows Tess' words and I hear them transfer from the carpeted stairs to the harder floor. The creaking of one of the floorboards in the hall gives me about 4 seconds before one of my parents sees the real Maxine. I don't know who I would rather it be. I'll have my answer in 3...2...1...

"Hey kids...oh, hello Max!" Dad lets out a chuckle. "So I suppose it was more than nail polish after all! I like the new look!"

"Really? You do?" This was about the last thing I expected. Dad seems overjoyed.

"Oh, Max. I've known for a while...I've suspected, I should say, that you maybe weren't 100% manly man. Tess wouldn't spend so much time with you if you were. You wouldn't be drawing all those girls if you were. I just accepted a while ago that you are who you are. You'll always be my son, or my daughter or...um, my child. Yes, let's go with that." He's flustered which makes me smile. It may all be an act - it's where I learnt it.

"I don't know which one I am. I don't think I want to be a girl. I probably just want to look like one." The admission makes me jitter again. Why am I saying all of this out loud?

"You can be whoever you like, little bro. You can look however you please. I'll teach you everything. And then, we can see about getting you out of that school."

That's when Dad's face drops. "Yes, I thought as much. You wouldn't want to be in that place. And if you want to look like that, you won't be allowed in. Let's...give us some time to work it out. But know this - Mum and I completely support, respect, accept and love our children. It doesn't change regardless of what you wear or what you call yourself."

More footsteps signal that Mum is on her way down. I've been expecting her arrival for a few minutes. She must have been in the bathroom or something.

"Oh...right...so you...hmm." That's less enthusiastic.

"What do you think, Mum? Doesn't Max look pretty?" Tess tries to dress it up to mantle the shock factor. It doesn't work.

"He...looks like a girl, anyway. I imagine that was your goal. Tess, he hasn't been out in public like that, has he? You didn't make him do that, you surely wouldn't."

"No, Mum. I didn't." They're talking like I am invisible. A ghost. Part of the scenery and nothing more. I must have missed my death certificate in the post. "He did it himself. Well, a friend did his makeup. But he chose to dress up. He likes it. Don't you, bro?"

"Y-yeah." All of my confidence just shattered like greenhouse windows in a storm. "I want to look like this all the time."

"Hm... honey, is everything OK? What's really going on? You've never done this before."

"Mum, that's the truth. He just likes girls' clothes and makeup."

Dad goes to triple-layer our response, but Mum cuts through.

"Max. You can wear what you like in your own time. But please, don't dress like that in public. And I would prefer you keep your little hobby for your own time in your room. You're our son. I don't want to see my son like this. It's..."

And she walks off quietly, not angrily. Dad follows her, Tess follows him, and I'm feeling more shame than a convicted criminal. I guess they know now. That's a small win. But Mum hates it, and I can't think that we'll ever be the same.

I retreat to my room, not taking a single item of Tessa's off. I'll check if Avery's online. Any distraction from it will help. I turn my headset up higher than usual to shield myself from anyone else's words. The guilt is like a second skin.