Life Imitates Art

Part 36 - An Inevitable Demise

An eerie walk to a creepy crypt-like room follows, the heels of the mysterious woman echoing along a black corridor. Mum refuses to let go of my hand, and it's not like me to try and stop her.

The crypt itself is dark, lit only by a single candle on a black table. The sole flame reflects off silver panels which display astrological designs, making it look even weirder and even less like anything a therapist should work in. What the f*ck is this?

She sits us down on the black chairs on the opposite side of the black table to her black throne. I'm surprised she isn't wearing a witches hat. This has to be some kind of hallucination.

"We are gathered today to learn about Max and his struggle for his masculinity. It is under threat by the demons of feminisation, masked as dysphoria and sending many young men down a dangerous path of poisoning their minds and bodies with delusions of wanting to feel pretty. We call upon the stars and the deities to whom their placement is attributed as well as the almighty powers beyond the living realm for their help in vanquishing the foul demon from this young boy's mind."

I won't speak. This might be absolutely farcical, but I have enough sense to know that now isn't the time.

"Thank you. We all just wish to save him."

"That we do. And Max, you must surely wish to be saved. Your answer is not required. The deities can sense your presence. They need not hear you."

That's me told to shut up then.

"Today, we will start by looking at what has led Max down this dark path. From which foul abyss has this demon emerged and plagued his fragile mind?"

Complete silence. The woman holds her gloved hands to her head and hums in a single pitch for three-to-five seconds. She takes a deep breath, then goes again. Two or three minutes of this before she finally speaks again.

"Yes? An influence within the home itself? An invader amongst those a young boy must feel he can trust? A... sister?"

"It is his sister, yes! His sister is making him do it. She's corrupted him, and now he thinks he's a girl."

"Is this so, Max?"

"Y...yeah. It was Tess."

"The foul beast has a name! We curse this name to all oblivion for the usually irreparable damage that she has caused to your brain and body. Today is about cleansing and recovery. We shall move past this foul Tess and recover the purity of Max within this fractured psyche, lest he be subject to an inevitable demise."

"Demise?" Mum is genuinely emotional. I can't believe it. I'm just so weirded out.

"Yes. The spirits and the deities and the stars themselves above decree it. If Max does not return to his purest, manliest self, he will meet an inevitable demise. Max himself will die if we cannot save him. But Max, we are here and we are on your side through all of this. All of the powers of the universe will combine to banish all false feminisation desires from that brain."

More chanting and humming. If my phone were in my pocket right now, I'd be playing a game out of boredom. Mum honestly sounds as though she is trying to join in with the rhythm. What has happened to this woman?

"Now, young Max. Brave Max. Manly Max. I need you to repeat these words after me."

"I guess-"

"Shh! Not yet. Do not disrupt the deities' duties. Now, repeat after me. I, Max."

*inserts obvious cinema joke.*

"I, Max."

"Have been cursed."

"Have been cursed."

"By the cruelest twists of fate and the most unfortunate of natural causes,"

"By the..."

"MAX! You must listen! Don't you wish to be saved? You surely don't wish to die?"

Right now... I think I do. It would be less weird than this.

"Son, behave!"

She repeats the line, and I get it close enough to whatever drivel she needs from me.

"For this turn of fortune, I attribute the actions of the devious Tess,"

"For this turn of fortune, I attribute the actions of the devious Tess,"

"Who has cursed me with subtle female-led brainwashing to rid me of my superior, stronger masculinity."

...

"Who has saved me from my stronger, superior masculinity."

"HALT!"

The scream makes me jump.

"What did you just say? And why are you so scared, like a girl?"

I stand up.

"Get back here this instant, Max! We are saving you. You have no choice in this."

I walk out of the room and down the corridor. Mum chases me and holds my wrist firmly just as some faint glint of light coats my shadow-drowned body.

"It's this or death, son. Why do you wish to break your mother's heart? Why can't you snap out of this? Am I too late?"

"If I have to be a boy to live, then I choose to die."

I pull away from her, her grip causing a burn on my wrist which stings further as I demand my coat and go to storm off beyond the door, the car and the gates.

"You can stand in that house all night. I won't be back. I'm going home."

I stomp beyond the large driveway and the massive black gates, then head left to look for a street name. Unsuccessful, I walk three or four streets further before I see anything that looks even vaguely recognisable as part of Edinburgh. With Mum having no way of stopping me or even finding me out here, I call Tessa.

"She's lost the plot completely. I need picked up from this address..."

"What the hell are you doing there? And where is Mum?"

"I'll explain in person. Just please hurry. It's cold and I don't know what to do now."

Tessa must have been speeding. Her car arrives in just over half the time Mum took to drive me out here. That, or Mum is way too safe behind the wheel.

I run inside the car and fasten the seat belt before answering Tess at all.

"OK. What the hell happened?"

"Tess. If I tell you, you absolutely won't believe me."

"We have time, sis. And I haven't eaten. And neither have you. So let's go get a totally healthy meal and we can vent over how mad our mum has gone together, alright?"

"OK. Tess?"

"Yeah?"

"Thanks for everything. Thanks for not giving up. Just... I love you."

"Whoa! The big gun, huh? Of course I love you as well, little sis. Now, let's go eat and have a cry together."

I probably should have waited. Tessa's watery eyes can't be the easiest to drive with. She doesn't fully break yet, so we do safely reach a parking space. We can't use the drive-thru with both our voices ruined and salty.

"My glasses are in the glove box. I'm going to need them because my makeup's probably ran all down my face."

Just as I go to grab them, she stops me.

"Nope. Never mind. I forgot just how damn good I am at doing a proper face. Back in a sec, Max!"

That sounded more like Tessa. She is still there. I didn't lose her, even if it's what the deities wanted.