PERSON IN THE FLAMES {TWILIGHT}

13

Jumping up I look around, seeing the noise coming from my clock I shut it off. Sighing I get out of bed. I decided to dress comfortably.

"Glad you came." Carlisle states, leading me into his medical office. "Didn't have much of a choice in the matter, Alice would have found out where I live and would have dragged me here. Easy way was the best option." I say, as the door closes. "They mean well." He says, smiling. "Don't we all?" I remark.

"Have you been feeling under the weather as of recently?" he asks, checking over my test results. "Nope. Im right as rain." I state. "Have you been sleeping well at night?" I shrug.

"I have insomnia doc, I know." I state when he frowns. "How many hours do you sleep a week?" He questioned, meeting my gaze. "5, 10 hours, sometimes 11 if Im lucky." I state, wanting this to be over.
"An out bursts out anger? Rage?" I shrug.

"So I have a temper." I remark. "How big of a temper?" He asks. "You've seen the people on the receiving end of my temper." I state. Referring to my victims that he had to treat. "What are you feeling right now?" He asks. I tilt my head, looking for an emotion.

"Nothing." I state. "What do you mean?" He questioned. "I feel nothing. Which is normal." I state, explaining. "Feeling nothing is normal for you?" I nod

"this conversation doesn't involve emotions, it involves questions on health. Most if not all conversations involve feelings, just opinions. "I state, shrug. "That's definitely one way to look at it. Can you name all the emotions you go through a week?"

He asks. I tilly my head. "On hand I can. I don't do a lot of emotional things." I physically cringe at the word. "What are those emotions?" He questioned, giving me his full attention. I look off. "Anger, rage, and numbness."

I turned back to him. "Numb? Like what?" I shrug. "I guess a void that I don't want or know how to fill. A numb to all the day to day bullshit." I laugh. "Other than that I would say I feel normal." I smile slightly. He scratches the side of his head.

"Ok. the mental questions are done. Time for the physical part of the exam. The gown is on the table. I'm gonna be right outside, let me know when you're done." He goes to walk out. "Is the gown really necessary? It's not comfortable." He turns to me. "They never are, you've never had a physical have you?" He asks. "Not since I was 6 I believe. " I say. "Any specific reason?" He questioned. I'm sucked into a memory

Color drained from my face.

A 12 year old me seems to be running through the woods. Dodging our father. "ALYVIA STOP RUNNING" his voice shouts at me. Our speed picks up, fearing for him to catch her. [My heart rate picks up] Her breathing is shallow. She was running to the police station to finally get help. She was nowhere near the police station. Dad knew that, he made sure of that. She was so lost in thought that she didn't see him gaining on her. He tackled her to the ground, pinning her already bruised wrist. The pressure on the purple Mark's makes the both of us hiss out. [I hiss and grab my wrist] "If you ever try this bullshit again I swear to god Alyvia I will break you." My fear shows in volumes. "I'm trying to save you. No one would believe you baby, they would take you away from us and kill you." Tears appear in her eyes. "Then why do you touch me the way you do dad, I hate it. I just want it to stop please." She cries. "Because I love you Alyvia and that's never gonna change. You are mine, you always have been." He mutters to her. "If you don't stop ill-" he cut her off. Gripping her throat. "You'll what? Huh?" She gasps. "I'll kill myself. " she chokes out. "Yeah baby? Is that it? You'll kill yourself? What about your mother? Huh? If you do that I'll kill your mother and then me, so we could spend eternity together." He says, crazily. "Is that what you want?" She didn't answer. AJ? A voice speaks. I'm brought back to reality.

Standing in front of me is Carlisle. "Hey, breathe AJ." He tells me. My heart was pounding and I was barely breathing. "I gotta go." I state, getting up and running out the room. The sun shines brightly into the windows. Something told me, I wouldn't be followed. I leave the house and jump in my car.

Nightfall, bad time for me. It's like a kid being scared of the dark but the lights are out. I didn't want to sleep. In fear for what my dreams would show me the second I closed my eyes. My subconscious makes me relive all that pain. Over and over again except as a bystander, unable to stop it from happening. Unable to do anything but watch myself go through my memories as if it was a sick movie. I sit in the basement staring at the boxes of tapes. My tapes. I stare at them as the void spreads. The numbness I feel every time I'm in the basement. The darkness I feel every time I step into this house. I feel as if my soul had been hollowed out. As if I was drowning. As if I was being burned. As if someone poured acid in my lungs. I was drowning. I look at the bottles of alcohol I have laying about and I sigh. My pain was drowning me. There was no escape from it. Fighting it would be a losing battle. My pain and this void was gonna consume me, one way or another. The time was ticking.