It burns within them

2.

Astrella

It's around seven o'clock, the light streaming through my curtains leaving a glow around my room like it's enchanted. I slowly get out of bed, and can already tell today is going to be a shit day.

my black hair sprawling in different directions all over my shoulders, my long black tee which reaches my knees does nothing to hide the canvas of scars littering my legs. Some people enjoy painting and drawing as a coping mechanism on a piece of paper, and then there is me.

Thousands of tiny scars littering my legs like that is my paint, that is my drawing, my razor each time gripped in my hand so tightly ready to paint my legs with scars and scabs, whilst the blood streams down as if it is crying, to portray my emotions.

that's my canvas, my body, my body is my art.

I slowly make my way downstairs, already hearing my parents having a chat at the table, but I pause midway on the stairs when I catch the walls filled with memories I so wish to get rid of, lurking beneath the glass waiting to disturb me each time I pass.

I pause at one, we were in 3rd grade, my black hair was up into a messy ponytail, lily's blonde hair surrounding her face as if it was a halo made for her, Lucas messy brown hair sprawled against his forehead, with his blue eyes hiding beneath his black glasses that were way to big for him, but the thing that catches my eyes the most are our smiles.

Smiling is a weird thing, I can tell just by looking at this memory our smiles were never fake, lucas smile so infectious I catch myself slipping a smile. Lily looking right at me with a big cheesy grin with her bright white teeth coming out, we were so happy.

"I'm so sorry my loves, please forgive me."

I feel a tear slip out of my eye but I quickly wipe it, wanting to forget I allowed myself to even feel any emotion, I deserve this pain. I won't let my face be shown.

I carry on making my way downstairs slowly, trying to erase what just happened. I see my father sitting on one of the stools, black hair slicked back one curly strand falling against his forehead, thick black glasses framing his eyes, hiding the brown beneath, newspaper in hand. Then I see my mother, blondish hair falling swiftly around her shoulders, bright blue eyes which contrast to my dark blue eyes, noticing me before my father.

"Good morning Astrella", she says with a sweet smile falling upon her face, my father then notices me and looks at me softly before standing up and slowly making his way over to me and when he reaches he holds my cheeks beneath his big palms and softly kisses my forehead, like he has done every morning since I could remember.

"Good morning darling." he says whilst sitting back down.

"Morning," I retort before grabbing a piece of toast my mother has layered out on the table. I don't look up whilst eating it or I will see what I have been seeing the last 5 months.

Concern, worried, and hesitation.

"Have you met the new boy sweetie, who lives down the road." my mother asks me whilst grabbing a handful of her blonde hair and pulling it up into a ponytail, instead of asking me what I know she wants to ask.

are you okay?

I slowly stop chewing my toast, knowing they are talking about him.

Xavier.

I shrug my shoulders like I have no clue what they are talking about, if they knew he walked me home they would question things, and I have no time to be answering questions I don't have any answers to myself.