It burns within them

7.

Astrella

It's the evening time now. Xavier and I stayed at the ocean for a few hours until the sun started to set, it was weirdly comforting, we sat in silence just listening to the crashing of the wave's together but yet there was no awkwardness, it was comfortable.

We are close to my house now, since I didn't drive anymore or want to get on a bus, so he walked me all the way home. We begin making our way up to my porch.

"Wait, this wasn't the house you went into the other day," he says with furrowed eyebrows and curiosity in his tone.

Shit, shit. I completely forgot that I pretended that other house was mine so he didn't know where I lived.

I look at him as we walk side by side up to my porch, and decide the easier option will just be to tell the truth.

"Well, I just met you, you were a random boy who decided to walk me home like we have known each other for years, why would I want you to know where I live," I say with crossed arms and raising one eyebrow at him in questioning.

He looks away sheepishly and mumbles some incoherent words under his breath.

I'm about to unlock my door with my keys, until his voice stops me.

"I- I had fun today Astrella, thank you." he says with a small smile.

I would be lying if I said I didn't have fun either, I always enjoyed going to the ocean and just sitting there, but having company for the first time in months was like a breath of fresh air.

"Well, so did I." I say whilst avoiding eye contact, but I soon make a mistake by peeking a glance at him seeing he is already staring at me, biting his bottom lip to hide a smile.

"Does this mean we're friends now," he asks with his hands in his joggers, "you know seeing as I took you to my special place." he teases.

I furrow my eyebrows and slowly ask him what's been on my mind.

"Xavier why are you trying to be my friend, it doesn't make sense, if it's about the pan- what happened the other day," I clear my throat to correct myself, "I don't need your pity."

He looks at me in confusion, before saying, "I know you don't want my pity Astrella, and I don't want to offer it, I just want to be friends that's all," he says with a shrug of his shoulders, "is that so bad?"

"You don't even know me to be friends." I say blankly, "if you knew the real me, you won't like what you see."

"Why won't I like what I see?", he questions in curiosity, not once breaking eye contact.

I know why, but saying it out loud is something I will never do. I have never out rightly admitted my problems, I know everyone around me sees it, people at school, my teachers, my parents, but all they see is a girl who lost her Best-friends coping with drugs and alcohol. They don't see what's beneath, how much pain consumes me that sometimes it's unbearable, it's feels like it's feasts me from inside
And out, and there is no way to stop it but hurting myself.

"Astrella, I asked you why won't I like what I see." he urges.

Instead of giving a verbal response, I just shrug. He looks at me a minute longer like he is trying to read what I'm thinking, but he won't be able to, I keep my face blank.

He sighs and begins to turn his back at me and walks away from my porch until he pauses with hesitation and slowly looks back at me.

"Let me be the judge of that Astrella." he says over the howls of the wind, and Carry's on walking.