It burns within them

10.

Astrella

It's been a few days since I woke up on Xavier's couch.

It's been a few days since he realised there is more beneath the surface than just a pretty girl who drinks and party's.

It's been a few days since he has realised, my pain goes as deep as the ocean, but he doesn't realise it's my own waves that have not allowed me to swim back to shore.

I have been hiding and ignoring him like the plague, to be quite Frank, I don't know why I'm hiding from him, but I'm not ready to see him, more like I'm scared to see him.

He noticed my problems before anyone else, I mean how is it possible in the shortest amount of time, he noticed my drinking problems?, I mean for Fuck sake he just moved here.

He was so adamant on helping my find a different way to cope than taking drugs and alcohol, but only if he knew how far my problem stemmed.

I'm currently in school, it's halfway through lunch so I have missed most of it, but I had to stay behind to re take some quiz I failed. I begin making my way to behind the school, which I know will be deserted and empty as usual.

When I get there I pull my sweatshirt tighter around my hands when the wind begins to swish across me aggressively.

I take a seat on the grass and place my bag behind my head and just admire everything, the way the wind passes through the trees making their branches bend, the way the leafs begin to fall and almost twist gracefully towards the ground and over the grass.

I go into my bag and pull out my packet of cigarettes and lighter I always keep on me, I position the cigarette in front of my mouth and flicker the lighter in my hands few times, until a flame appears.

Fire it's such a strange thing, anything it touches it can either cause havoc or turn powerful, it's known for burning things, but no one sees the beauty of it. The way it could ignite a light the second you let it sparkle, or the way it can fill darkness with a beautiful orange spark.

I break out of my thoughts when I feel a presence next to me. I don't need to look at him to know it's him, I have been avoiding him so I knew soon enough he would find me and decide to welcome me with his presence I have been trying to avoid.

We sit in comfortable silence for a few moments, we don't speak we just sit in silence.

"Have you been back to the ocean since we have last been there." he questions after a few minutes. I turn to look at him but he isn't staring at me, he is looking up towards the sky, so I look away.

I bring my cigarette to my mouth and exhale and watch the smoke flow around us into it finally flows into the Abyss of the sky beyond where Even the clouds can see.

"No, no I haven't." I say, "have you?".

He turns to look at me now, his eyes flick to smoke around us and follow its movements like he has been hypnotised, until he says.

"Nope, I haven't, not since we went," he says in his calm voice.

I give him a small nod, not knowing what to say after I have been avoiding him.

I feel him staring at me from the corner of my eye, so I turn my head to the side and look at him whilst we both lay flat on our backs.

"You have been ignoring me, you know." he says with a calm edge to his tone.

"Yeah, yeah I have," I say whilst maintaining eye contact.

He begins to frown.

"Why? is it about the other day." he questions, "If so I didn't mean to make you feel uncomfortable-that's the last thing I would want to do," he says.