Ven: Part 1

Ch. 22: Do What You Want

My palms are sweating, my knuckles are white as I clench tightly to the bar of the trapeze.

"Just step forward and swing, that's all there is to it," the trapeze man says. "Let gravity do the rest."

I glance down, there's a net strung up across the arena to catch me if I fall.

But what if my overly heavy body breaks it?

The ground warps and my stomach turns.

"You know what?" I say. "I'm good, I'm gonna go ahead and climb down."

The trapeze man rolls his eyes at me as I let go of the trapeze and carefully climb down the ladder.

"So much for wanting to try the trapeze," Marney greets me at the bottom of the ladder.

"I wanted to," I reply. "Then I got up there and didn't want to anymore."

She scoffs, "I don't think this is what that old guy meant by "do what you want"."

"What else would it mean? I wanted to try it and then I wanted to not try it. I'm doing what I want."

"It seems like you're just doing whatever pops into your head, and following you around is getting boring."

"You don't have to, y'know."

"I know..." she's cut off.

"Could you two take this elsewhere," a young woman gives us a disapproving look. "Some of us are trying to get ready for tonight."

"Yeah sure," I say.

Marney and I walk out of the main tent to the back area where people in all manner of costumes are practicing their skills.

"What were you about to say?" I ask as we wind our way between everyone.

"I know I don't have to, but the other option is hanging out with Jacob. He's not exactly fun to be around at the moment," she hugs herself tightly as she talks.

"Do you think he's gotten out of bed yet?" We come to a stop outside of the old man's tent.

"No idea," she replies. "Do... do you think he's mad at me?"

"Why would he be?"

I turn and cross my arms.

Why does she care?

"And why do you care?" I ask bluntly.

"What do you mean why do I care?!" She snaps. "I'm allowed to care."

"You've shown very little care for us since we met you," I frown at her. "So why has this gotten to you?"

"Because I feel bad! I do have feelings, you know," she hugs herself tighter and turns away.

I sigh and rub my face, "I'm sorry, why do you think he's mad at you?"

"No, it's fine." She wipes at her face.

"I'm seriously wracking my brain here. Why would he be mad at you?" I press.

"Look, just don't worry about it," her voice cracks.

I reach out and place my hand on her shoulder.

"I'm sorry, Marney, really I am," I squeeze her shoulder gently.

"It's my fault the stupid horse turned into a robot," she sobs. "I bet you both hate me!"

I'm taken aback.

I was so busy blaming myself for Horse Friend running away I'd forgotten how he'd been turned into a robot.

"Hey now, it's not your fault, I mean he didn't even stay a robot."