Truly Lost

Sleuth

Sleuth
    "An eye for an eye will leave the whole world blind." - Gandhi

    My grudge held against her has been held over half my life, so about 13 years. She didn't even really do anything I guess, and maybe I'm overreacting, but if someone is upset at what you did I feel an apology is due, and especially when they've done nothing wrong. Well, for some reason she wouldn't leave my mind today. I tried distracting myself by cleaning, mowing the lawn, and even trying to cook a new recipe, but no matter what she was ingrained in my head.
    We used to meet up at my aunt's house while she was gone and I'd make her something I'd found in some magazine I saw at the grocery store or something my mom taught me. I remember this particular day in the middle of august when I had made her some grilled potatoes, boiled carrots, and for meat I had made this spectacular ribeye. I had saved up all my money from chores and odd jobs I had done around the neighborhood to buy her this ribeye. The jobs ranged from back-breaking labor to walking my neighbor Ms.Maurice's dog Skiddle, and that dog was a mean one too. Constantly biting. It cost me a whole five dollars and sixty cents for that ribeye, which back-in-the-day took longer to get than you'd think.
    It took me a while to get it all cooked, so probably around forty-five minutes or so. Then, my masterpiece was done. The seasoning spread on it like paint to a canvas, the butter in the golden potatoes glimmered in the light, and the perfectly orange-yellow carrots were of the utmost consistency that would make you feel a million feelings all at once. I made sure the seasoning was just right and the plating was spectacular.
    I had to make sure this was perfect, as that day I wanted to give her a promise ring I bought. It was beautiful, it had this butterfly with her birthstone on it. The ring was gold to match her tan skin and light enough to match her stunningly blue eyes.
    As I placed it in front of her, she sort of gagged. She looked at me with a sort of blah look to her face. "What's wrong with it?" I asked disappointedly.
    "You know I don't eat ribeye!" She screamed at me.
    I must've looked pretty beat because she apologized so profusely while looking like her dog had died. As far as I knew, she did eat ribeye. In fact, the only reason I made the ribeye was because while in the mall, she bought a ribeye from this crazy expensive stall and said she loved it. "What changed? You like the mall place's ribeye!" At this point I was getting angry. I had spent all this time just to get yelled at by the ungrateful person in front of me. I decided I would leave my aunt's house and not speak to her ever again.
Fuming, I left. I slammed the door and walked for a long while. Eventually I found this ledge on the edge of some crazy cliff overlooking the beautifully crisp water. There were no white caps. The water was still. I reached into my pocket and grabbed the promise ring. I examined it, noting its beauty and the wonderful blue color the stone was. As I was holding it, I got very angry and sad. A tear rolled down my face and my muscles started to tighten. I gritted my teeth and made the decision I didn't want this ring anymore. I stood up and took a few steps until I was overlooking the ledge. I looked down at the rocks with the waves crashing over them. I listened to the wind howl and the sun started setting. The sky turned a sort of pink and orange and the clouds skirted over creating an abstract masterpiece. I kissed the ring gently, then, as hard as I could, I threw it into the water. I watched it glisten as it broke the surface, never to be seen again.
I sat down on the rock next to this tall oak tree and started to cry. My tears ran down and fell onto my shirt. I started to get a bad headache, and I felt dizzy. I layed down on the rock, looking up at the setting sky. The stars were bright. I made a wish on the first star I saw, to find someone who appreciated me as much as I appreciated them.
I didn't expect to see her again, and I didnt, not for a long while. Not until I was unpacking my stuff for my college dorm room and found she was staying in the room across from mine. I politely greeted her with a smile and hand wave, then went about my business. It almost felt surreal to see her again. A million emotions raced through me; anger, sadness, guilt, and even malice at one point. She waved back, but no smile came about her face. I don't know why, but that specifically annoyed me. If someone smiles at you, I believe you ought to smile back. It's polite and respectful. To be fair, she may not respect me, but still, it's polite.
That night she came over and knocked on my door, and I must admit, I was hesitant to open it. Do I want to deal with her right now? Is this something I want? She knocked again, so cautiously and unknowingly, I opened the door.
"Hey William." She said, shyly.
"Can I help you?" I was skeptical as to why she was at my door. I get that we were young kids when we split, but still, why come up now when you wouldn't before? It seems silly to me, that's all.
"Can I come in?"
I thought about it, then let her into my single dorm. We sat on my freshly washed and made bed, then just sort of stared at each other. "What's up?"
"Not much."
We sat in silence for a bit again, just staring at each other. "Is there something you want to talk about?"
"I'm sorry, Will. Can I explain myself? Please?"
I looked at her, the way she had done her hair now was much different then the five years I hadn't seen her in. Before, she used to keep it up in this obnoxious ponytail. Now, she had it done and it was quite wavy, but not curly, just really wavy. "Yeah. But, just so you know, I'm still not happy and I'm quite upset." I stated.
"Still? It's been five years!" She looked down to the floor where I had placed the rug I've had forever, then back up at me.
"I know, but you really hurt my feelings. If only you had known what I did to pay for that meal. Seriously, if only."
"Look, let me explain, please. No interrupting, just hear me out."
"Honestly, I don't know if I want to!" I got very angry. I don't know why exactly, just looking at her reminded me of something, I just wasn't sure what. "I don't know if I want you in my living space either. Can you please just leave?"
"Will, I can—"
"Leave."
"Will—I, okay." She had finally given up and had a defeated look on her face. She sulked as she got up from my bed, walked halfway to the door, looked back and stared for a moment until I looked away, then left and shut the door behind her.
I'm still not sure why I got so mad, but I did, and I can no longer change that. Maybe I was overreacting, maybe I was selfish, maybe I was rude. Just looking at her now sort of almost reminded me of Sarah. The slight smile she gave when I opened the door to the way she wore her hair. It was overwhelming.
I called over my best friend Mason, who was a friend of my dads. Though he's got twenty years on me, we act very similarly. Not him, I guess it is more me. Anyway, he came over and I cooked up a mighty fine homemade lasagna. Along with it, I made my lunch for tomorrow, a tri-color pasta salad with black olives and pickles. It's not my recipe, my mother taught it to me about two years ago during a summer party get-together when I was about fourteen. I had been living with my aunt at that point and she wanted to reconnect through food I guess.
She taught me how to prepare the pasta using only a bonfire and a cup of water, and then, how to cut the pickle slices thin enough. She taught me to strain the juices out only after you've added your Italian sauce and don't slice the cheese too thin or it throws off the taste.
"Hey Mason?"
Mason looked up from the crossword puzzle he was doing, "Hmm?"
"Do you remember me talking about that girl I was going to give the promise ring to?"
"Sure I do. She was that Fox girl, yeah?"
"Yes, well, she is my neighbor 'cross the hall now and I think we started off on the wrong foot."
"Well, what a coincidence. You're both from North Dakota and magically you guys both decided on Arizona State? Y'all must be meant for each other or somthin'.
"Yeah, well, I kind of yelled at her after she tried to apologize. I was just angry, but now I feel bad," I looked down at the wonderful tri-color pasta salad and realized I'd made a mistake, "Mason, should I apologize?"
"I'd reckon ya' should."
I looked down at the pasta and back to Mason. "Should I give her my pasta?"
"Yes, Sleuth. Well, aren't you a bright one?"
I just stood there for a moment, until Mason brought me back ushering me out the door, tri-color pasta in hand. Mason shut the door on my face, and since I was feeling a bit nervous, I watched the door close and then didn't turn around for a solid three minutes.
I knocked on the door, waiting anxiously for her to open it, but she didn't. I knocked again just as the door opened and there she was, and by she I mean her roommate. "Can I help you?" She said, snobbish.
"Is Claudia here?"
"Claudia!" She yelled out, "Some guy is here for you!"
"Thanks." Then she closed the door on my face. Quite rude if ya' ask me. And as the door slowly opened, I saw her there. She looked like she had tried to wipe away mascara that had run down her face, but the black smudge marks pointed out I may have interrupted her.
"Yes, Will?"
I started to say something, but nothing came out. My vocal cords tightened and all I was left with was handing the bowl of pasta to her. She gave me that look of thanks-but-why, if ya' know what I mean. A weak "I'm sorry," left my mouth and I looked to the ground..
"You shouldn't be sorry, Will. Though, if you do want to make it up to me you could come in and listen to my side of the story."