Daddy's dead. I'm trying Lord, I'm really trying, but you keep allowing this to happen. So now both my parents have died brutal, meaningless deaths, and for what? What did they do that was so wrong that they had to die like this?
"Mr. York?"
Startled I answer, "Yes."
"Your mother and brother are looking for you."
Nodding, I follow the nurse. Lee and Eloise are hugging in the hospital's family room. Eloise is weeping in Lee's arms. Feeling my presence, he looks up. I've never seen Lee cry his entire life, but there he was, face wet and filled with dire sadness. I walk up, rubbing my hand across his shoulders. Eloise feels me and looks up. Releasing Lee she hugs me tight saying, "Oh Hyde. I'm so sorry baby. I loved your daddy so much. I wished I could be stronger for you, but it just hurts so bad!"
"Don't feel bad Eloise. We're in this together."
I then glance over at Lee and he looks so angry. I say, "Yo Lee. You alright man?"
Glaring through me, he exits the room. Leah, Sheba, and Aquila enter. I kiss them saying, "Lee's not right. Let me go to him!"
I'm jogging down the hallways then once I get to the hospital's main entrance I see Lee walking across the driveway, towards the parking lot. I rush outdoors shouting, "Lee! Yo Lee! Wait up!"
Lee stops. Out of breath I catch up to him saying, "Where you going?"
He shrugs. "May I come too?" He nods
Now in his car, sitting in silence, I say, "Tell me what's on your mind."
"So this is the type of God, y'all serve?"
I'd usually have all types of comebacks, but today I'm pretty mad at God myself. Eyes cut my way, he awaits my reply. Shaking my head I sigh, crying.
"Is this my punishment for not feeling you and dad's pain about mom's death? Does He want me to get it?"
"I don't know anymore Lee. I'm tired of making excuses for God. I need answers, too. Granddad Chad is dead so I don't know who to even turn to anymore."
"I thought it was about God not grandpa Chad. I guess your God died when he died, huh?"
I'm too despondent to even have this debate with Lee right now. Yes I'm angry and upset, but I know God is real and will eventually comfort and strengthen me. But right now, while my daddy's in the hospital broken up in pieces awaiting us all to agree to pull the plug on him, I can't think rational, let alone be a messenger of hope, especially to the God-bashing almost atheistic mindset of Lee."
Lee's been different since his youth. Once my mommy died and my daddy was healing by being as absent from Lee and me as possible, I became both his parents and protector. My daddy and I were both so depressed and wounded by my mommy's death that we barely functioned.
We'd spend most of our time at my granddaddy's. Grandaddy David and my great granddad Bishop Chad loved God. The entire household loved God. Granddad Ernest and his family weren't as religious, but they acknowledged God. Living with David and Leah and being faithful members of my granddad Bishop Chad's church, church was a heavy part of our lives. My mommy loved church as well. So for us to know and serve God seemed inevitable, but not for Lee. And that's because, outside of church he saw my daddy and me so sad and hopeless, he perceived our indwelling power source was weak. As a child he said nothing, but once he was in his preteens he questioned my love and devotion to church and God.
I remember this particular Sunday morning, my daddy wasn't going, but David was coming to get Lee and I for service. Lee was only twelve. We were dressed and sitting in the living room waiting for our granddaddy when Lee asks, "Is dad still sad because of our mom?"
